


Drink Too Much and That's An Issue

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec), Why_do_you_want_to_know



Series: Discord RPs [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (can you feel the sarcasm), (it's just DRIPPING from that last tag), Abuse Survivor Castiel, Abuse Survivor Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Autistic Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Charlie Bradbury Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Child Abuse, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Fight, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Gabriel Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Getting Together, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Minor Crowley (Supernatural)/Bobby Singer, Minor Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Past Abuse, Romantic Soulmates, Sabriel on the side, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, enjoyyyyyyy, everyone is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/pseuds/Why_do_you_want_to_know
Summary: And they were roommates~Oh my god, THEY WERE ROOMMATES!!
Relationships: Castiel & Gabriel, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Gabriel & Dean Winchester, Gabriel & Sam Winchester
Series: Discord RPs [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550803
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	Drink Too Much and That's An Issue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Why_do_you_want_to_know](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/gifts).



> hfdkjfae we finished this rp literally three months ago I'm such a failure *hides and cries*
> 
> no but seriously, so many thanks to the eternally lovely Summer for being patient and kind while i broke down incessantly over how hard formatting is and didn't hate me for taking so long to finish this up. I love you, babe <3
> 
> Enjoy!!

It takes Castiel six tries to unlock the door to his new dorm room. He finally gets it open, flicks on the lights, and watches as a cloud of dust comes down from the ceiling. "This place is a toilet," he says.

What? No he's not quoting his brother.

He sighs, rolls his suitcase into the room, and starts to unpack on his side. He has yet to see or hear of his roommate.

Dean sighs as he stares around him. He has a trunk full of boxes and even with Sam and his parents helping him, he has no idea how long it is going to take him to move into his new room.

"Right, let's do this," he calls to his surrounding family, he claps his hands once and grabs the first box, letting out a loud laugh at Sam's grimace.

Cas unpacks everything and goes out for a coffee, and when he comes back, the other side of the room is all decorated. There are about a million pictures of two unfairly attractive people (both male-presenting, one with a chiseled jawline and emerald green eyes and one with longer hair and a gorgeous smile) hung around the room. There's one framed photograph of a blonde woman on the desk. Cas wonders if one of those two boys is his roommate, and if so, which one.

He turns around and runs into someone carrying a large box. "Oh, I'm sorry," he says practically springing out of the way. "I didn't mean to- hi." His lungs stop working when he catches sight of this man's face.

It's Green-Eyes from the pictures, but he's about 80 times hotter in person.

"Hello," Dean says with a wide smile, wandering over to his bed to put down the box. "I guess you're my new roommate," he adds, reaching his hand out to shake his new roommate’s hand, "I'm Dean. It’s nice to meet you."

Cas takes his hand distractedly, unable to tear his eyes away from Dean's face. "Castiel," he manages to say.

"Interesting name," Dean answers slowly, smiling widely. His smile slowly drops the longer Castiel holds onto his hand. He likes his new roommate, but he seems a bit odd. Oh well, he decides, it was probably just first meeting nerves.

"Any nicknames?" he questions, pulling his hand away. He was fairly sure Castiel would have some. No one has a name like Castiel, without having nicknames.

"My brother calls me 'Cassie' but I hate that. I know a girl who calls me 'Clarence'."

Dean frowns. Neither of those nicknames worked for the beautiful man standing in front of him. His bright blue eyes, his dark hair, his otherworldliness. No, neither of those would do.

"Ok, I'm not calling you either of those," he announces with a small smile, "I'm gonna call you Cas."

Cas smiled in surprise. "I like that."

"Great," Dean says happily as he picks through his box, pulling some of his items out to put away and leaving some of the others in the box to deal with later, "Cas it is then."

Cas smiles and sits down on his bed, too busy trying not to say any of the many things in his mind (such as 'that jawline should be illegal' or 'how the fuck are your eyes so green') to answer.

"What are you studying?" Dean asks, just to make conversation and definitely not so he can hear more of that gravelly voice. Nope. Just a conversation between roommates.

"Dialectology," Cas replies. "You?"

"Mechanical engineering," Dean says, pushing the box into the corner as he claps his hands together and spinning around to face Cas, "do you have any plans for tonight?" he asks because he's planning to go out and meet some new people. He wonders whether he and Cas will become good friends, he hopes so. He can already tell that Cas is the kind of person he could spend hours with, without getting tired.

"Not with other people," Cas tells him. "I'm going to sit on this bed and read."

"Really?" Dean asks with a small overdramatic gasp, "you're just going to read on your first day in college? What about new friends? Or checking out the campus?"

"What are friends?" Cas jokes. "And I've already explored all of campus and I know where my classes are."

"Damn," Dean says, blinking a couple of times, "how have you managed to do all that already?" Dean had only just arrived and he thought that Cas had only been here for a bit longer, but apparently he's wrong.

"You know what, I'm going to force you to make friends, if it's the last thing I do," Dean jokes in response. Cas needs friends, and Dean would make sure he doesn't hermit himself throughout college.

Cas doesn't know why Dean feels responsible for that, but he appreciates it. He smiles. "Well it looks like I've already made one."

"Of course," Dean replies with a grin, "if we're going to be roommates, then we should definitely be friends, it would just be awkward if we didn't get along."

Cas smiles at him. "I wouldn't dream of 'not getting along' with you," he says.

Dean smiles back, accidently getting lost in Cas' eyes. Suddenly remembering where he is, he shakes himself out of wherever his mind went - maybe la la land? - and tries to remember what they were talking about, "Yeah, you're pretty likeable," he agrees, "I can't imagine anyone not getting along with you."

GREEN EYES GREEN EYES GREEN EYES GREEN EYES GREEN EYES

"Thank you, Dean," Cas replies. "I like you a lot as well."

Dean turns around quickly, trying to hide his blush. Why is he even blushing? He isn't a thirteen-year-old girl.

"Glad to hear it," he says, trying to hide the awkwardness hiding just under his skin. He wasn't sure quite why he was reacting like this, there was just something about the bright blue gaze which seemed to see right into his soul.

Cas checked his watch. "I need to get lunch. I'll be back later."

"Ok," Dean says before frowning, "wait, who are you having lunch with?" he asks, assuming that Cas wouldn't be hurrying to a dinner on his own. Maybe he was? After all, Dean had only met him that day.

"No one, I'm just hungry."

"Really?" Dean asks incredulously, "well you know what, I could eat. I'll come with you."

Cas smiles. "Uh- yeah, sure okay."

"Great!" Dean says quickly - possibly a bit too enthusiastically, but who was checking. "Where are we going?"

"Mod," Cas replies.

"Cool," Dean nods, "Is there one close to here? I haven't had time to look around yet."

"Yeah, right down the road," Cas tells him, smiling. "I haven't ruined your appetite yet?"

Dean just blinks at Cas. "What?" he asks confused. Well, his brain has some ideas, but he isn't going to even consider those ideas until Cas has clarified.

Cas falters. "I- well, I've been told I have that effect on people. Apparently I'm 'unsettling'."

"Really?" Dean asks, confusion spilling into his voice, "well I don't think you're unsettling," he assures his new friend, "and I don't know why anyone else would."

Cas smiles genuinely. He's beautiful. "Thank you."

Dean smiles back, trying to avoid the hard swallow Cas' smile causes him to need. Cas is absolutely adorable. He is beautiful and adorable and dorky and just-

Dean stops that chain of thought quickly. That is not where he wants to go on his first day of college.

Cas can't quite meet those bright green eyes for a while, so instead he grabs his coat and leads the way out the door, only then Dean stops him with a hand on his arm, staring at the coat in awe.

"That's your coat?" he questions hesitantly, unsure quite what he is seeing.

Cas hesitates. "Yes... why?"

"Because -" Dean starts, unsure if quite how he should explain it. He finally settles on, "because it's a fucking trench coat." He hopes the rest goes without saying, or else he's really going to be questioning what rock Cas lives under.

Cas nods slowly. "It's a trench coat. I like it."

"Yeah, a trench coat," Dean agrees slowly, "can you seriously see no problems with that?"

"No," Cas tells him. "And please don't tell me. Let's go."

"Ok," Dean laughs, grabbing his - slightly more normal - coat and walking out the door, "let's go," he agrees.

Cas leads Dean to the Mod about a block away and they get in the line. "What are you getting?" he asks.

"Hmmmm," Dean starts, thinking through what he wants today, "I think I'll get Pepperoni, ham, sausage and extra cheese," he decides. Today is a meaty kind of day.

"I think I'll get onions and pineapple," Cas decides.

"Onion and pineapple? On pizza?" Dean asks, trying to keep his tone neutral and hide any and all disgust. But seriously? Who eats pineapple on pizza? Or onion on pizza? Never mind them together?

"What's wrong with onion and pineapple?"

Dean pulls a slight face, unsure of how to explain it, "pineapple is sweet, onion is - not sweet? They just - do they really go together?" he asks hesitantly. He can't quite believe that they could possibly work together and he's almost shocked that Cas is making him question it.

Cas shrugs. "It's good. I enjoy it. As I said, I'm supposedly unsettling."

"Ok," Dean mutters slowly, "well, I'm not going to look too deeply into that pizza taste. I still don't see how you’re unsettling. Weird maybe, unsettling definitely not."

Cas feels unexpectedly touched by this. "I rarely get called something so mild as 'weird'. I'm often called 'freak' and 'nerd' and 'other'. I like it, I think." He smiles at Dean as he orders his pizza.

Dean quickly orders his pizza before turning to Cas, "well we are all a little weird, and it is definitely not a bad thing. Could you imagine how boring the world would be if we all acted the same, and thought the same, and ate the same pizza toppings?"

Cas laughs. "That would be boring."

"Exactly," Dean agrees, with a smile, trying to get his brain to start working again. Cas' laugh is beautiful, apparently beautiful enough to break his brain. How on Earth is he going to survive a year with this guy?

Dean sort of stops moving, and Cas looks at him confusedly as the person behind the counter asks for his order. "Uh... Dean?" he says hesitantly. "Dean? Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Dean says, shaking himself out if his head and turning to the counter, "thanks," he says, ordering his pizza and hoping that he hasn't made Cas too worried.

Cas shakes it off, grinning, and goes to get them a table.

Dean breathes a sigh of relief. Cas isn't acting like anything weird has happened, so he thinks he can relax slightly. His weird zone out doesn't seem to have made things awkward.

"Tell me about yourself," Cas suggests as they eat. "Where are you from? What do you enjoy? What's your family like?"

Dean thinks for a moment, trying to figure out how much he should share with Cas, who he needs to remember is still a stranger. "I'm from Lawrence, Kansas," he starts, "I like pie and my family is great," he says, deciding that it answers the questions enough, without some stupid, self-centered rant, "what about you?"

Cas cocks his head to the side. He'd been hoping to start a conversation, not get a curt, barely passable answer. "I'm from nowhere," Cas admits. "I like learning about the English language and reading, and I have no friends because I'm exceptionally awkward and, as I've mentioned, most everyone finds me odd and other. I'm used to it. I have about one thousand siblings and no mother, and my family is garbage, with the exception of my older brother Gabriel."

"Gabriel?" Dean asks, his attention caught by the life of this stranger who he already feels a connection to, "like the angel? Did your parents name all of you weirdly?"

Cas shrugs. "We are all named for angels, yes. Michael, Gabriel, and Heylel were named for archangels. Heylel, in keeping with his name, somewhat turned on our father, changed his name to Lucifer - he has a twisted sense of humor - and doesn't speak to the rest of us anymore."

"You have a brother called Lucifer?" Dean asks, a strange mix of awe and shock in his voice, "That's so cool! I mean - it's sad that he doesn't speak to you anymore - but you and your siblings are named after angels. I've only got one brother, and he has a normal, boring, non-biblical, non-satanic name of Sam."

"Sam and Dean," Cas says, rolling it around on his tongue. "You sound like a band. Or a super-famous demon-hunting serial killer duo."

"Yeah," Dean agrees with a laugh, "definitely more the latter. We are way more like serial killers than band members," Dean thinks for a moment before adding, "also neither of us can sing for shit."

Cas takes a bite out of his pizza. "Somehow I doubt that. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting your brother yet, but your voice definitely sounds like the voice of a singer." He smiles, then adds, "so he's the tall one in your photos?"

"Yes he is," Dean says, trying to ignore the blush which is crawling up his neck. Why on Earth is he blushing over someone saying he has the voice of a singer. Oh yeah. Because that's fucking flirty. Not that Cas meant it like that, the guy probably doesn't even notice what he's saying could be interpreted as.

"Why are you turning red?" Cas asked, looking at him curiously. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, nothing wrong," Dean assures quickly, "It doesn't matter, I promise," he can't quite believe how sheltered Cas is. He must live under a rock to not be able to recognize blushing.

Cas shrugs. "Alright, if you say so." He moves on to his third slice of pizza. "So, then, tell me about Sam."

"Alright," Dean says, and he can feel himself brightening up. He may hate talking about himself, but he is always happy to talk about his snot-nosed little brother. "He's tall - like freakishly tall - and really smart. He wants to go to Stanford, and I think he's going to get it. He's not like me, his future is fucking bright." Dean suddenly realizes what he said and freezes. Shit.

Cas looks at him. "Why do you say that as if yours isn't?"

Dean looks down at the table. He'd hoped to be able to get a bit longer into college before anyone realized how much of a fuck up he is, but here he is. First day and already fucking stuff up. "Because mine isn't?" he whispers down at the table, phrasing it as a question, even though it isn't one.

Cas leaned forward, putting down his food and peering directly at Dean. "I don't believe that. I know I don't know you very well, but I've observed people long enough to be able to see the same eyes on different people. And you? You are not a man who has no future. You only need to believe in it."

Dean just smiles warily, "If you say so," he says, hoping that it will be enough to get Cas off his case. He knows the truth anyway, Sam is the amazing one in their family, Sam is the one who is going to go far, not Dean. He squirms in his seat, Cas' intense gaze feeling like it's going straight to his soul.

Cas sits back in his chair. "I do."

Dean sighs quietly, raising his eyebrow at Cas' casual confidence. This dude really is just a mystery wrapped in an enigma. One moment he is a dorky guy who lives under a rock, the next he's _this_ , whatever _this_ even is. "Anyway," Dean says, deciding that a topic change is in order, “what's your favorite pie flavor?" It is a very important question after all, it isn't like he can be friends with someone who doesn't like pie.

Cas cocks his head to one side. "My brother makes an exceptional blueberry pie," he decides.

"Really?" Dean asks, interested, "I'll have to bake you one of my own apple pies then, you can judge which one is best." The pie recipe was his mom’s, and she had taught Dean how to bake it as soon as he was old enough to be baking. His entire childhood was punctuated with slices of that pie.

Cas smiles slowly. "Perhaps I'll get the recipe from Gabriel and make you his pie. We'll exchange."

"That's a good idea," Dean quickly agrees. He will never say no to his two favorite things: baking and pie. "You ever baked a pie before?"

"Once or twice. Gabriel showed me. I know enough to follow a recipe."

"Ok," Dean says with a smile, finishing off the last bite of his pizza, "in that case, I'm looking forward to swapping pie with you."

Cas grins. "Good. I look forward to it as well."

"Great," Dean says, "now, are you going to come out and meet people tonight? Or are you still planning on spending the night with a book?" he makes sure to keep his words light, even though he can't help his fingers from crossing. He needs to go out and make some new friends, but he still wants to keep Cas around.

"I'm not particularly interested in taxing social interaction on my first night in a new place. I think I'll stick with my books for now."

"Okay," Dean says, trying to get rid of the pointless disappointment which bubbled up. He has no reason to be feeling disappointed, he has never felt like anything like this ever before. He has made a new friend, great, that doesn't mean he has to be tied to Dean's side.

"Okay," Cas repeats. "Speaking of which... I need to meet up with my brother. He's a TA here and I told him I'd drop by after his class."

"That's cool," Dean says, trying to dislodge the disappointment and focus back on the present. "What classes does he help out with?" he asks.

"He's in the music department. You'd never know it from looking at him but he's a music nerd."

"Really? That's cool," Dean laughs, as they stand up and start walking back to their room, "so you're an English nerd, and he's a music nerd. Are you all just a family of nerds?"

"Indeed, we are. We have a history nerd, a theater nerd, a film nerd, a science nerd... any kind of nerd you can think of, and there's one in the Novak family." Cas smiled. "We are formidable."

Dean laughed, "what about a -" he thought for a moment, trying to think of the most random and unlikely nerd imaginable, "a nerd nerd? Like, is there anyone in your family who is a fan girl or boy?"

Cas turned a little pink. "Well..."

"Oooh," Dean says in a teasing voice, "does that mean you are the nerd nerd, as well as the English nerd?”

Cas can’t meet his eyes. "My father wrote a series of books. They spawned a very large online community. I may have... participated in some of the online community's discussion. And creation."

Dean can barely his back laughter, whether at Cas' face or at the fact Cas is a nerd, he isn't sure yet, "you are in the fandom of your own father's books?"

Cas was drawing on the table with his fingertip. "I may have written some gay fanfiction for them, yes."

Dean cackles with laughter, "seriously, you've written gay fanfiction?" he asks incredulously, "what fandom?" His words are slightly muffled by his laughs and the fact he can barely breathe, but he thinks he's got the point across. Who would think that Cas - the stoic English nerd who lives under a rock - would even know what fanfiction is, never mind have written it.

"Supernatural," Cas replies, trying to keep his face neutral. "There's a character based off of me, alright, and he is one hundred percent gay for the main character's brother, alright?"

"Wait," Dean says, stopping his laughing for just a moment for clarity sake, "you wrote gay fanfiction, about a character, who was based off you?" he asks, just to be sure he is understanding this right.

"Yes, and please god stop judging me," he grumbled.

"I'm not judging you," Dean says quickly, "well, maybe a little. But only because the character was based off you. I'm mainly just surprised. You don't come across as the type of person who reads – never mind writes - gay fanfiction."

Cas shrugged. "I'm not the kind of person who looks I like do anything. I've been told I look like I was just sitting in a room eating Saltines for twenty years and then I walked out here."

"John Mulaney as well," Dean says with a grin, "and there I was thinking you liked under a rock, you're a lot more cultured than I gave you credit for."

Cas shrugged. "My brother is doing his best."

"Ah," Dean hums with a grin. He hasn't had this much fun teasing someone since his brother stopped teasing him back and started to just throw bitchfaces at him. "So it's your brother who is the cultured one. You really do live under a rock."

"Yes," Cas admits. "I am uncultured."

"For now," Dean agrees, "by the end of the year, I'll get you at least a little bit more cultured."

Cas tries to fight off his smile. "I suppose if that's the only good thing I get out of being stuck in a dorm with you for a year."

"Hey!" Dean calls in fake annoyance, "I'll have you know I'm a pleasure to be stuck in a dorm with. I’m a flat-out joy to be around."

"I'm sure you are. I'll have to ask your brother about that."

"I'd recommend not," Dean says quickly - possibly too quickly - but that doesn't matter. Cas can't ask Sam, because if he does then Cas will learn the truth about Dean, and even if the earlier fuck up hadn't been enough to scare him off, after a minute of talking with Sam, Cas would be long gone, never to speak to Dean again. Dean can't let that happen.

Cas's smile grew wider. "Talk to Sam... what's your last name? Because this is the first item on my To-Do list." _Immediately above you._

"Ha," Dean laughs, "you don't even know his last name, good luck finding him now!" This is perfect. Cas can't find out how awful Dean is, if he can't find Sam. And he can't find Sam unless he - shit. They are in college. It won't be too hard to find a last name out, especially a roommate's last name. Dean will just have to hope Cas' rock extends into finding surnames.

Cas can almost read his whole thought process on his face. "We'll see. Maybe I'll be his soulmate. Maybe then we'll _have_ to meet. Because of... God, or Destiny, whatever you choose to believe."

"Seriously?" Dean asks, trying to ignore the weird stab in his heart at Cas suggesting Sam will be his soulmate. He can't understand it, so he will ignore it. Just like everything else in his life. "Or maybe, you will never meet ever, and fate - or whatever - will be stopping you from finding him."

Cas is grinning widely now. "I will make it my life's mission to find your brother and talk to him about you, probably for several hours. I need to learn all the most embarrassing stories to blackmail you with."

"Wow, now I'm going to have to make it my life's mission to keep you two apart. I am not living through you getting blackmail material."

Cas shrugs. "You'd be surprised how dedicated I am." He grabs his bag. "Let's go back."

"Yeah, let's go," Dean agrees, deciding to ignore the uneasy feeling in his gut. It doesn't matter how dedicated Cas is, Sam wouldn't necessarily share everything bad about Dean. Dean hopes not anyway.

Cas shrugs his bag onto his shoulder and smiles at Dean before making his way back toward their dorm, choosing to assume that Dean will follow.

Dean smiles as he grabs his own bag, having to run a couple of steps to catch up with Cas, who has decided to walk ahead without him. "It’s rude to abandon people you know," he says as soon as he's called back into step, "you're supposed to wait."

Cas laughs. "I thought you were right behind me," he says innocently.

"Yeah right," Dean mutters, before adding a quick, "asshole," just for good measure.

Cas laughs, almost wanting to hug Dean before remembering they just met and that's probably weird. He doesn't even know why he feels as if he's known this man forever. "Yeah, right," he mocks.

Dean gasps in mock surprise, "the rudeness, the lack of etiquette, the sheer disrespect," he grins evilly before reaching out and pushing Cas lightly, just strong enough to make him stumble. He ignores the pins and needles like feeling that just touching Cas creates; there isn't any point into looking into things which are just his desperate, touch starved brain tricking itself.

Cas stares at him, disbelieving, and then sticks his foot out and trips him deliberately. Dean falls forward and Cas grabs his arms, catching him just before he hits the ground. He grins down at him.

Dean stares up at Cas, a blush steadily spreading across his face, "that was extremely rude," he mutters after a moment, getting his feet back underneath him and quickly standing back up, trying to hide how flustered he now is.

"So were you," Cas tells him smugly before making his way back toward their dorm again.

Dean gapes after Cas for a moment. Seriously? What is up with that kid? One moment he's acting all innocent, the next he's being a smug bastard. "I wasn't being as rude as you," Dean argues.

Cas shrugs. "Alright. If that is what you claim."

Dean barks out a laugh, "yes, it is what I claim! Do you claim anything different?"

"I thought we were... what's the phrase? 'Screwing around'?" Cas looked at him in confusion. "Did I misread this interaction?"

"No, not at all," Dean reassures quickly, "that's exactly what was going on. It was a joke."

Cas hesitates a moment, then nods. "Alright. I was... nervous. I don't do people well."

"It's fine," Dean says with a grin, "You might not believe this," he lowers his voice into a conspiring whisper, "but when I was little, I didn't do people either. And then I learned." He decided to leave out the part where he learned because it was the only way he could keep Sammy happy and safe.

"No one can do people well when they're children," Cas points out. "But some people figure it out and others don't. I fall in the second category. I am as socially awkward as they come."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing," Dean assures, "if everyone were social butterflies, then the world would be a loud, annoying place."

"Yes, but at least I wouldn't be hassled for it by my entire family," Cas muttered.

"Seriously?" Dean muttered, "they had a go at you over being socially awkward? That's horrible."

"You haven't met my siblings," Cas told him darkly. "They are the living, breathing embodiment of horrible."

"I hope for their sakes that I never do meet them," Dean says, his voice dripping with hate, "because I can promise you, that wouldn't get out of that alive."

Cas stared at him, unexpectedly touched by this expression of intense protectiveness. "At least buy me dinner first, Dean," he tried to joke. "Before you decide to go to war on my behalf."

"To be fair we did technically just have dinner," Dean points out with a grin, "also you don't get to decide when I go to war. I can go to war whenever I want."

"No," Cas tells him, "we just had lunch. And I paid."

"Close enough," Dean argues, "lunch, dinner, you pay, I pay. It's all food and money in the end."

Cas snorted as he unlocked the door to their room. "Now, don't go getting all philosophical on me when we've barely known each other two hours. I need to-" He turned around and came chest-to-chest with someone new - the tall, beautiful one from the photographs. "Would you look at that, I've found the infamous brother. That wasn't so hard. Hello, I'm Castiel, Dean's roommate."

"Damn it Sammy," Dean sighs, following Cas into the room and facing his brother. He was so sure he was going to be able to keep them apart - or die trying - and now Sam is here, ruining all those plans. "How did you even get in? The door was locked!"

"I literally just walked in here. After you guys. I wanted to let you know Papa and Dad are leaving."

Dean frowns, well there goes acting normal. "Ok, I'll just go say bye to them," he mutters, practically sprinting out the door and down to find his parents. There is no way in Hell he's staying with Sam and Cas after _that_.

"Well," Sam muttered once Dean had disappeared. "That's... something must really be wrong with him, because he didn't even ask me why I'm staying." He laughed. "Well. I'm Sam." He shook Cas's hand.

"Nice to meet you," Cas says with a slightly strained smile. He really is awful at the whole 'new people' thing. After how easy it is to talk to Dean, he'd almost forgotten how difficult it actually is. "Why are you staying?"

Sam laughs. "I have some classes here this semester. I was gonna meet with the TA to make sure I've got everything nailed down for it."

"Why does a high school student have a class here?" Cas asks, wincing as he replays his words in his head, "sorry that sounded rude, I'm just confused."

Sam laughs again. "No, it's fine. Um, Running Start, actually. I know Dean's a college freshman, but that's cause he took three years off after he dropped out of high school. He got his GED and we convinced him to try to go to college. I'm a senior right now, he's four years older than me. Anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying I'm taking a few classes through the college instead of at the high school and I'm gonna be here a lot. Can you direct me to the musical theater classroom?"

Cas frowns. Dean hadn't said anything about dropping out of high school, but then again why would he? It probably isn't something he wants absolutely everyone to know. "Wait," he suddenly says, Sam's words catching up with him, "what's the TA's name? The one you're meeting with."

Sam glances down at the paper in his hand. "Gabriel Novak. Why?"

Cas smiled, huffing out a quiet laugh. "That's my brother. Tell him hi for me will you."

Sam stared at him. "Your brother? Uh- okay, sure. Why not."

"Thanks," Cas mutters, suddenly aware that he's managed to make Sam uncomfortable. Shit, how does he always manage to do this? Clearly Dean is wrong. He said that he couldn't see how Cas could make anyone uncomfortable and here Cas is, making someone uncomfortable.

Then Sam brushes it off. "Can we exchange numbers? You're gonna be around him all the time, so I need you to video all the embarrassing shit he does for blackmail." Sam glances around, then lowers his voice. "Actually that's a total fabrication, I need you to keep an eye on him and make sure he's emotionally stable. Every morning and every afternoon you gotta check in, you hear? And I need to know what's going on with him."

"Sure," Cas says easily, passing ever his phone with a new contact already open for Sam to put his number in. He doesn't know what it is about Dean, but Cas will already do anything to keep him safe. "Is it likely that something will 'go on' with him?" Cas asks, air quotes and all.

Sam snorts as he punches his number into the phone. "Yeah. He's got... he's got shit, man. Not my place to say what, 'specially considering I barely know you, but he's got shit and he's had me checking in on him since I could talk. Without me around he's going to need _someone_ to do my job or he might go crazy and if he goes crazy, I'm as good as dead. Take care of him." He handed Cas back his phone.

Cas takes his phone back with a nod of his head, "I promise I will," he says and he's almost shocked at how sincere he actually is. He is glad that Sam hasn't said what Dean's shit is, even if Cas is slightly curious, he is even more glad that Dean has a brother who respects his privacy enough to not blurt out all his problems to total strangers. "I'll keep an eye on him," Cas promises before frowning. "Wait, since you could talk? How long has this shit been going on?" His frown deepens as he thinks it over, "you don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I realize that's pretty intrusive."

Sam sighs. "Dean and I have had a pretty rough life, that's all I can tell you. And it started back when I was six months old. Ask Dean about it sometime, though."

"Okay, I'm sorry to hear that," Cas says sincerely, "I will make sure to be here for him, while you can't be." He hears footsteps coming down the hall and can't stop the small smile from blooming across his face.

Dean sighs as he walks back to his new room. He is a bit concerned about what Sam and Cas have been doing in his absence.

As Dean re-enters the room, Cas smirks, turning to Sam. "So, your brother claims he is... I believe he said 'a joy to be around'. Is he a good dorm-mate, in your experience? Should I be worried?"

Dean freezes, turning towards his brother and having honestly not a single clue of what Sam will say. Sam smiles at his brother, turning around to face Cas, "well," he says with a shit eating grin, his tone light and teasing, "that depends on what you count as a good dorm-mate."

Cas raised his eyebrows. "Please do elaborate."

"Well," Sam starts, "he'll probably end up babying you, and trying to force you to do whatever he thinks is best. He can be a bit of an asshole - especially in the mornings -" he cuts off, seeing Dean's rapidly falling face. Huh, he must really want to impress this guy. Maybe Sam should be a bit less harsh. "I'm not sure I'd call him a joy to be around, but he's not the worst you could get."

Cas stares at him, still amused. "Interesting. Doesn't sound too bad. I've had far worse, and honestly, being babied is better than being neglected."

"Oh yeah," Sam says with a sigh, "I'm with you there, being babied is so much better than being neglected." Dean sends Sam a grateful smile, thankful that his brother had decided against completely ruining his friendship with Cas.

"So Sam, why didn't you head back with Pops and Dad?" he asks, now that the worry of Cas and Sam meeting is out the way.

Sam shrugs. "I gotta talk to a TA. Cas here's brother, apparently. Speaking of which... I should go if I want to catch him soon." He claps Dean on the shoulder. "I love you, man, see you soon."

"See you later bitch," Dean replies with a smile.

Sam sticks out his tongue like a six-year-old. "Jerk."

Dean laughs, the childlike teasing releasing part of the burden he barely even notices he is carrying any more. "What book are you even reading?" he asks turning back to Cas, "it must be a good one seeing as you've decided it's better company than people for tonight."

Cas laughs, digging it out of his bag. "I'm rereading Animal Farm. When I read it in school, I was so focused on the things they told me to focus on that I never developed an appreciation for the masterful storytelling involved. I'm enjoying going through and rediscovering it, even though I know the plot already."

"Seriously?" Dean asks with disgust filling his tone before he can help it. He immediately feels like an asshole but he couldn't help it, Animal Farm was awful. Well, to be fair, Dean has never really read it. He was too busy to read it while in school, all he knew was that he had to bullshit an entire essay about it, and he has never even looked at it since. "Sorry," he mutters, lightly kicking the floor, "that was rude, enjoy rediscovering it I guess."

Cas smiles tightly. "It's alright. Not big on high school texts, then?"

"No," Dean says quietly, "high school wasn't a great time for me and that didn't exactly leave me with a great view of the texts." He doesn't know why he is being so vulnerable around Cas, he's only just met the guy, but here he is.

Cas set the book down at sat down on his bed. "Why not, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Why wasn't high school a great time for me?" Dean clarifies, confusion filling his tone. He just isn't used to anyone other than family caring about his problems, and Cas is definitely not family.

"Yes. If you would prefer not to tell me I will respect that, after all, I am your brand-new friend. But I would really like to hear it, if you're interested." Cas cares about him, even though he barely knows him. Something about him is... special, unique, _beautiful_ in a way he's never seen before.

"Um," Dean says, trying to figure out how to answer. He trusts Cas - trusts his more than he's ever trusted anyone other than family before - and he can tell that Cas cares about him, but he is also not sure he _can_ share. He's never told anyone about what was going on, never said it out loud. Anyone who knows was either told by Sam, or was there.

"It's okay," Cas says quickly. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, I kind of want to," Dean whispers, still shocked over how true it is, "just, don't ask for any more than I tell you. Okay?"

Cas nods earnestly. "Of course. I wouldn't."

"Ok," Dean says with a timid smile and a deep breath, "So, basically back when I was in high school a lot of family shit happened," he pauses for a moment - blinking away the tears which had started gathering as he thought about what happened with his mom - before going on, "I was left looking after Sammy, so I didn't really have much time for school work. I'm not sure if you've ever written an essay on a text you've never read, but it isn't great."

Cas nods. "I know I said I wouldn't ask, but, uh... your brother told me you dropped out?"

"Of course he did," Dean frowns, "Yeah, I dropped out. It just wasn't working. I couldn't balance everything and something had to give. In the end it was school." he sighs before adding in a self-deprecating tone, "it wasn't much of a loss though, I was barely scraping through anyway."

Cas sighed. "I'm sorry. He told me to ask you about it. He said you 'had some shit' and that you need more people to care about you, so... here I am. Caring about you."

"Of course he did," Dean mutters again with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, "yeah, he's always been one to stick his nose into other people's business. Don't worry 'bout it, I'm fine."

"Okay," Cas replies. "But I am your friend, and if you need me I will help you."

"Ok, I'll bear that in mind," Dean says with a smile, even though he knows that there is no chance he would ever burden someone as awesome as Cas with his problems. "Same goes for you, anything you need, I'll be here."

Cas smiles. "I'm not sure you want to hear all about my stupid stuff, but thank you anyway."

"I don't think anything you count as a problem could count as stupid," Dean replies with an easy smile, "you don't seem to think that being stuck with me is a problem, so clearly all your problems must be huge."

Cas stares at him. "I don't know who ever told you that being around you was a problem, but whoever it was, I would very much like to shoot them."

Dean huffs a laugh, "I thought you were against needless violence."

"I am. I do not consider this proposed act of violence to be 'needless'."

Dean blinks. Oh. Well there goes his reasoning. "I'm not sure anyone else will agree with you about it not being needless," he says.

"Well..." Cas murmurs. "Fuck everyone else, then."

"Please don't," Dean mutters under his breath - unable to help himself - before he says - loud enough for Cas to hear him this time - "You know, most people would take that to mean they are wrong, not that everyone else needs to fuck off."

"Well, as you have already learned today," Cas declared, "I'm not most people."

"Well that's certainly true," Dean agrees with a smile, which quickly fell off his face when he sees the time. If he still wants to go out and meet some new people, he will have to leave soon, and get ready before that. Somehow, in the quiet little bubble which Cas seems surrounded in, he had forgotten about everything else. And now he has to make a choice. Stay with Cas? Or go make new friends?

"What's wrong?" Cas asked. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Dean assures with a smile, resolving himself. He has no idea why he's acting so weird, but it's an easy fix. Get changed, brush his hair, go and meet new people and voilà everything is normal again. "Last chance to join me," he says with a grin as he stands at the door, about to leave and yet unable to go quite yet.

Cas took a shaky breath. "You mean go to a party? With people?" _With you?_

"Well yeah," Dean says with a laugh, "meeting new people normally involves seeing actual people you know."

Cas glances down. "If I come, I'm going to be metaphorically glued to your side all night."

"Ok," Dean says, "and you say that like it'll be a problem because?"

"Oh," Cas replies. He looks up at Dean. "If you don't mind that, then I'll gladly come with you."

"Great," Dean smiles, possibly more enthusiastically than he should, "come on then, you need to get ready!"

Cas sighed. "Fine, give me five minutes and I'll put my suit on. And if it really bothers you that much, I won't wear my coat, either."

"You're not wearing a suit," Dean says quickly, "this is a college party, not some sort of awards ceremony."

"This is all I own," Cas told him. "I have what I'm wearing and the suit."

"Seriously?" Dean asks in confusion, "how on earth do you only own two outfits?"

"Um," Cas looked down. "I'm paying my own college tuition. My family won't help. So I don't exactly have a lot of money for clothes."

"Really? Well they are assholes," Dean says decisively, "You know what, you can borrow some of mine until we can get you some new ones." Offering up his clothes feels as natural as breathing, despite how weird it probably should feel.

Cas felt a smile break across his face. "Thank you, Dean."

"No problem," Dean smiles back, "now, do you want to wear that to the party, or borrow something of mine now?"

"I've never been to a party. So whatever you find appropriate."

"Alright," Dean says, glancing at the clothes Cas is wearing and then at the clothes he had already movies into the closet. "Here," Dean says, passing over the jeans he had pulled out along with a light blue t-shirt. "They should fit you."

Cas smiled gratefully at him and began to strip off his own shirt, not seeing Dean's protests until it was discarded on the bed next to him. "What?"

"why are you just stripping in the middle of our room?" Dean asks, trying to hide his ~~shock because holy fuck he was hot, how on earth was a nerdy bookworm that toned~~ discomfort behind exasperation.

"Because... we're in a private space? Is one not supposed to change in one's bedroom?"

"Not if one's," Dean pauses for a moment, swallowing hard as he wonders whether this is going to be a mistake. He really shouldn't lie after just meeting this guy, but Castiel is named after an angel, Dean can only imagine his views are equally angelic, "exceptionally straight roommate is in the room with them."

Cas cocked his head to one side. "Is that how you often describe yourself? 'Exceptionally straight'?"

"Umm," Dean stalls, feeling almost like how he imagines a deer in the headlights must feel, "yes? I guess, I don't normally describe myself," he says, hoping that it will be enough.

Cas's brow furrows. "I have not gotten the impression of heterosexuality from you. And I have what my brother calls 'an amazing gaydar'."

"Well, everything has its flaws?" Dean mutters carefully, wondering if this means that Cas isn't homophobic. A homophobic person wouldn't have a gaydar would they?

Cas raised his eyebrows. "That sounds like a very weak argument. I myself am gay asexual."

"Oh," Dean says, relaxing ever so slightly, so Cas isn't homophobic! But now Dean has lied and has to decide whether to keep up the pretense or tell the truth. Great. "Wait, you said you haven't gotten the expression of heterosexuality from me," he says, "what do you mean?" Because, although he isn't embarrassed about what he is, he is closeted and has always though he does a good job at hiding it. Apparently not?

Cas licked his lips subconsciously before he answered. "You keep staring at me. And your brother made it clear to me that there were plenty of things I don't know. You are... attracted to me, are you not?"

Dean blushes darkly, curling into himself subconsciously as he tries to figure out how to answer, "Um," he mutters, "you need to finish getting ready, we have to head out in a minute." He quickly turns around, avoiding answering the question and hiding his red face from Cas' view.

Cas stares at him for a moment then nods. "That is a yes," he hums to himself before pulling on the jeans.

Dean freezes for half a second before just deciding not to react to Cas' words. Sure, they are true, but that doesn't mean he has to confirm it. "You done yet?"

"Yes, l'm ready. Let's go." Cas chooses to say nothing about his own attraction to his surprisingly jacked, stunningly green-eyed, mysterious new roommate.

"Great," Dean smiles, leading the way out the door and locking the door behind them. He is unable to stop himself from giving Cas a quick look over, but the guy looks good. The jeans show off his legs, and the blue top makes his eyes look even bluer than Dean ever thought possible. It's a good look, made even nice by the fact it's Cas wearing it. He wants to make a joke about how the girls - or boys in this case - will be swooning over Cas, but he can't bring himself to. Not when it's a little too close t Dean's truth, or when the very though of any boy getting any where near Cas makes Dean bristle in what might just be jealousy.

Cas takes note of the appreciative one-over Dean gives him. He bites his bottom lip, smiles, and gestures for Dean to lead the way. "After you. I don't know where I'm going, so."

"Okay," Dean mutters, walking down the hall and towards the apartment he knows is housing the welcome party. He tries to get the image of Cas biting his bottom lip out of his head, but it's pretty difficult when he is 90% sure the guy knew exactly what he was doing. And to make matters worse, Dean can't even think that Cas is straight so it doesn't even matter, because he isn't straight!

Dean opens the door for him and Cas shrinks back a little. It's dark and loud and packed full of people in this room, and his social anxiety alarms start lighting up. "On second thought, I'll go back now."

"Nope," Dean says, grabbing Cas' arm before he can escape, "you said you would come, so you are coming. I'm right here, and I'll stick by you."

Cas took a deep breath. "Yep. Okay. I'm going."

"Great," Dean smiles, practically dragging Cas through the door and towards the drinks table, hoping that a couple of drinks might help Cas relax a bit.

"Oh, is that alcohol?" Cas asks. "Um. No thank you."

"You don't drink alcohol either?" Dean shouts over the party.

"I'm not very adventurous as you could probably tell," Cas screams back.

"Yeah, you could say that," Dean laughs, "come on, let's go and see if we can find some new friends."

Cas sighs and follows Dean.

Dean walks around for a minute, until he finds the kitchen where there is a group of people who Dean thinks look fairly friendly. "Hello," he says with a casual smile as he walks up to them and takes a place in their circle.

"Hi, I'm Joan," says a dark-haired girl. "And this is Noah and Raife." She extends the hand that isn't holding booze.

"Nice to meet you," Dean says, accepting her hand and giving it a quick kiss in lieu of anything else to do, "I'm Dean and this here," he said gesturing at Cas, "is Castiel."

Joan looked Cas up and down appreciatively. "Now you are one sexy thing," she said, grinning.

"I'm sorry, was that a flirtation?" Cas asked her.

Dean isn't sure whether he should laugh or scream. On one hand, Cas' obliviousness is just adorable. His squinty eyes and head tilt just melting Dean's heart. But on the other hand - the screaming hand - that bitch is flirting with Cas. And although Dean doesn't know why he cares, he does.

"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas asked, looking at him concernedly. "You appear... conflicted."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Dean replies, the lie dripping off his tongue like syrup. He can see Joan giving him a bit of a stink eye - because from her point of view, he's just stolen her man's attention - but he ignores her.

Joan rolls her eyes. "Well, fine, then. You two have fun." She walked away, leaving Cas confused.

"Don't worry about her," Dean says, seeing the question Cas is about to ask, "we'll go and see if we can find anyone else to make friends with." His brain helpfully supplies _someone who isn't planning on stealing you_ but he pushes it away before the thought can even start to form, never mind turn into spoken words.

Cas nods, scanning the room. Suddenly he freezes. "Wait, is that- that's my brother."

"Your brother is here?" Dean asks in surprise, "let's go talk to him!"

"Yeah, he's over there. Is that- I think that's your brother with him."

"Come on then," Dean shouts, grabbing Cas' arm again - just so he doesn't get lost of course - and practically dragging him through the crowd and over to where their brothers are standing.

"Hello, Gabriel," Cas sighed. "Hey, Dean," Sam said, surprised. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just here to make some new friends," Dean says with a grin before pausing, "wait, what are you even doing at a college party?"

"Hey baby bro!" Gabe chuckles, "anyone would think you don't want to see me!"

"I do, I just don't want to see you _here_ ," Cas replies. "Gabriel, this is Dean, my new roommate."

"And my brother," Sam adds. "I'm here cause I was talkin' to Gabe."

"Ok," Dean says, squinting suspiciously at Sam before turning around to face Gabriel - Gabe? "Hi, nice to meet you," he said with an easy grin, "as Cas has already said, I'm Dean and I'm going to need you to tell me plenty of embarrassing childhood stories because I'm 90% sure he already has ammunition against me."

"I do," Cas confirms at the same time that Sam says, "he does."

"Exactly," Dean says, gesturing at their two brothers, "I need help here man." Gabriel smiles, a wicked glint already starting to sparkle in his eyes, "well I can definitely help there. What do you think Cas? Should I tell him about the time with the rabbit? Or the time you got addicted to that TV show?"

"You should shut your ungrateful mouth," Cas suggested.

"My ungrateful mouth!" Gabe gasps dramatically, "what am I ungrateful for?"

"Me," Cas said simply.

"Oh, I am so sorry," Gabe said, turning to Dean with a smile, "what do you say? Still want some childhood stories?"

"Cas is a gift unto this world, dontcha know?" Sam asked, grinning and wrapping an arm around him like they were old friends.

Dean laughs, "well duh, but if said gift-unto-this-world is going to have the means to embarrass me, I need insurance. By which I mean equally embarrassing stories to throw back at his face."

Cas looked at him for a moment, chewed on his lip, then said, "attracted to me," and walked away, leaving Dean there staring and Gabriel practically in tears of joy.

Dean stares after Cas, with absolutely no idea what just happened but a sinking feeling that he doesn't want to know. "I'm going to go catch up with him," Dean says hesitantly, already following after Cas before he's even finished speaking.

"Yeah?" Cas asks when Dean catches up with him. "What is it?" He rubs his left forearm with his right hand, a nervous habit he'd picked up from years of trying to hide his words. He doesn't get them.

"You ok?" Dean asks, trying to figure out what had ruffled Cas enough to walk away, and also enough for him to say - in front of both of their brothers! - that Dean is attracted to him.

"I'm fine," Cas says, his thumb making long, careful strokes across his wrist.

"You sure?" Dean asks, nodding at where Cas is still rubbing his arm.

Cas glanced down. "Oh, uh. Just a nervous habit."

"Ok," Dean nods, "what are you nervous about?"

Cas can't make eye contact with him. "The words on my wrist."

"Why are you nervous about them now? Do you think you're going to find them here?"

"Well, there are a lot of people here," Cas pointed out.

"That's true," Dean agrees, "but you won't even know it's them until after you fall in love," he points out, "so there isn't really much point thinking about it."

Cas nods. "Which is why it's a terrible system. Because what if you never fall in love with your soulmate? Or what if you fall in love with someone who isn't your soulmate? It's poorly organized."

"Oh yeah," Dean agrees, "and then there are some people who end up with really generic words who everyone says at all times."

"Yep," Cas muttered. "Thankfully mine are not super generic, but they are also very weird."

"Honestly same!" Dean says with a laugh, "I'll instantly know who my soulmate is, because I can't imagine anyone saying my words. So if they are said, then I know I've found them."

Cas bites his lip to keep from asking what these words are. Despite the instant connection he felt with Dean, he still wasn't comfortable sharing his, so it stood to reason that Dean wouldn't want to share his either.

"Come on," Dean says, seeing what looks like discomfort on Cas' face, "let's continue looking for friends. We can't leave here without finding some people to talk to."

"We found our brothers," Cas mumbled. "And I would like to go back to our room now."

Dean turns to face Cas, his best pleading look pasted all over his face, "just one more person? Just one more conversation? Please?" he asked. Despite only knowing Cas for the day, he already knows that force won't work here.

"Fine. But you have to drag me over there."

Dean laughs, grabbing Cas' arm and pulling him towards a nearby circle, where a red headed girl appears to be telling an animated story.

"...so then she says she's got a boyfriend, stands up, and leaves! Leaves her jacket behind and everything, her shirt's still hanging off one shoulder and her camisole is ripped." She turns to Cas and Dean. "Heya! I'm Charlie."

"Hey!" Dean says with a grin, "I'm Dean, this is Cas," he points behind him at where Cas is standing.

"What brings you here?" Charlie asked.

"Looking for friends," Dean replies, "thought a party would be the best place to find them."

"Good choice," Charlie replied. "Well, let's play the 'three things you need to know about me before you can be my friend' game. Mine are that I'm a huge geek, I love to cosplay, and I'm gay as _shit_."

"Ok," Dean smiles, trying to figure out what he should say, "I am a secret geek, I love pie more than is probably healthy and…" He considers for a moment admitting that he’s bi, but he hasn't even come out to his family yet, so he really isn’t sure if he’s ready to come out to a random group of brand-new people at a party. "I really like stuff to do with occult and myths."

"Well, it's not a secret if you tell us, now is it?" Charlie asks, grinning. They both turn to Cas, who swallows.

"Um... okay. I read a lot, especially thick texts in dialects of English a lot of people don't understand. I'm extremely socially awkward and very sheltered. And, uh. I'm asexual and gay."

Dean smiles, happy to see Cas opening up a little and making friends.

Cas feels a little more comfortable after opening up, but he has no idea where to go from here. "How does one make small talk?" he asks.

Dean laughs, the confusion written all over Cas' face is just too adorable not to laugh at. "Maybe we should go then," he says, "you can try and figure out how to make small talk between now and the next party."

Cas flushes. "Okay. See you around, Charlie."

"Bye Charlie," Dean says with a small wave, "we'll see you around." He nods to Cas and then Dean starts walking back through the crown with Cas trailing behind him.

Cas reaches out to grab Dean's arm so he doesn't lose him and he sees the letters _ot_ appear on his wrist as his sleeve rides up. He yanks it down. He doesn't need to deal with that right now. "You guys leaving?" Sam asks them as they head toward the door.

"Yeah," Dean says as they walk past, "where are you spending the night? Because I'm assuming that you're not planning on driving home now."

"I was gonna..." Sam trails off and glances between Dean and Gabriel, then down at the floor.

"What?" Dean asks, instantly on edge.

"I offered to let him crash on my couch," Gabriel told him. "I live right down the street and I walked here."

"Really?" Dean says slowly, his tone between dangerous and friendly, turning to look at Sam, "and is there a reason Sam looks so suspicious?"

"I wasn't being suspicious!" Sam protested, holding his hands up. "I'm just going home with him- uh, I'm just going to sleep with him- _fuck_. That's not what I mean."

"Yeah," Dean nods, "very not suspicious there Sammy."

"Seriously, uh." Sam took a deep breath. "I'm seventeen, Dean, I'm not going to have sex with someone old enough to purchase booze. 'Specially not a guy."

Sam is not out either.

Dean sighs once more, glaring suspiciously at Gabe before turning to Cas, "he's your brother," he says simply, "can I trust him to keep an eye on my brother?"

"He will not make any unwanted advances, no," Cas replies. "Definitely not on jailbaits such as your brother. He'll take care of him."

"Okay, see you later then," Dean says, turning back around and walking out of the party. He still isn't sure he can trust Gabe, but he trusts Cas, and if Cas says Gabe is trustworthy, he will go with it.

Sam breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank god he's somehow miraculously decided to hop off my dick. Does your brother have magical powers, because that was way too easy."

"That's a good point," Gabe says with a smile, "Cas has no powers that I know off, but apparently your brother deems him incredibly trustworthy."

Sam stares after them in wonder. "Yeah. Dean never trusts people that quick." He doesn't know what that means, but he has a theory.

"Really?" Gabe says with a laugh, "and yet somehow, Cas has managed it."

"Think they're soulmates?" Sam asks, grinning.

Gabe smiles as well, "well, we won't know unless they fall in love."

"We won't, will we?"

Gabe grins, looking at the retreating backs of their brothers as they walk around the corner and vanish form view, "something tells me we will know sooner rather than later."

Sam glances at him. "Yeah, I kinda got that impression too. What say we get out of here?"

"Yeah," Gabe agrees, "let's go."

&&&

When they get back to their room, Dean goes straight for his bed, but Cas lingers awkwardly by the door.

"Everything ok?" Dean asks, already picking up his pajamas and shower things, "you just going to stand there all night?"

Cas glances around. "Um. Yeah, no, I'm just going to brush my teeth and then you can have the bathroom."

"Ok," Dean says slowly, still looking at Cas, suspicion plastered all over his face, "go right ahead," he gestures to the bathroom and goes back to collecting his stuff together.

Cas brushes his teeth in record time and is in his bed before Dean's done getting his things together. He rolls over to face the wall and mentally berates himself for being such an idiot in front of such a hot guy.

"You sure you're ok?" Dean asks again as he walks into the bathroom.

"I'm fine," Cas replies. "Just drained. You?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Dean assures, "You just seemed quiet, I was making sure you were ok." He walks into the bathroom and locks the door behind him, trying to shake the concern which still pestered him.

Cas sighs as Dean disappears into the bathroom. "Goodnight, Dean," he mutters to himself before falling asleep.

By the time Dean walks out the bathroom - after staring at the words on his arm for a worryingly long amount of time, Cas has gotten him thinking is all - Cas is asleep. He looks so peaceful and Dean can't stop the smile which spills over his face. "Night Cas," he whispers, climbing under the covers and closing his eyes, allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

Cas is already bustling around the room when Dean wakes up. He smiles as Dean groans and tosses an arm over his head. "Good morning, Dean," he says fondly. "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept," Dean mutters tiredly, "is there even such a thing as sleeping well?"

Cas stared at him. "Have you never slept well in your life?"

Dean blinks, "no?" he says slowly, "I mean, it takes forever to fall asleep, I never feel rested, and then I always have to wake up at the end." He decides that mentioning he also gets nightmares isn't a very good idea right then.

"Well I'm sure I could at least help with the first part," Cas offered.

"How could you help with falling asleep?" Dean asks in confusion, "seriously dude, you're not _that_ boring."

Cas laughs as he steps into the bathroom to brush his teeth, leaving the door open so he can continue to talk to Dean. "I have herbal supplements," he informs his new friend. "Melatonin that helps with sleep."

"Okay, maybe you are that boring," Dean laughs, grabbing his own toothbrush and following Cas into the bathroom.

Cas rolls his eyes and shoves him gently as he sticks the toothbrush in his mouth. "You're a jerk."

"Maybe, but that's just because right now I'm a tired jerk."

Cas spat into the sink. "That's fair. We're going to find ways for you to sleep better."

"Yeah ok," Dean sighs, after also finishing his teeth, "I have no idea how you're planning to do that, but ok."

"I know a few tricks," Cas replies, then stands. "So. Breakfast with our brothers?"

"Yeah sure, give me 5 to get ready," Dean says with a shrug, grabbing some clean clothes and retreating back into the bathroom to change.

"Great," Cas replied, combing his hair and pulling on a pair of shoes.

Dean walks out of the bathroom 3 minutes later wearing clean clothes and with slightly damp hair. He grabs his own shoes but pauses when he sees Cas. "What have you done to your hair?"

"Combed it," Cas said nonchalantly. "Why?"

"I don't think your hair liked being combed," Dean says gravely, staring at Cas' head. The permanently messy bed head is still messy. Just now, it's kind of frizzy as well.

"Um... well, I don't know how to fix it."

Dean laughs, walking over to Cas with a hairbrush, "I can help," he offers.

Cas bites his bottom lip. "Okay, please attack my hair with that thing."

Dean laughs, standing in front of Cas and gently taming his hair with the brush. It doesn't end up perfect, but it's better than before. "There you go," he says with a smile, trying to ignore how soft Cas' hair looks.

Cas pretends not to react to the way Dean's fingers feel when they brush against his scalp. He pretends he doesn't enjoy it when Dean pets down one lick that keeps sticking up. Cas pretends, and he has a feeling that with Dean, there is a lot more pretending in his future.

"Ok, breakfast time," Dean announces, his stomach rumbling.

Cas smiles. "Good. Sam and Gabriel are already waiting for us."

Dean nods, walking out the door and heading towards the diner they were meeting their brothers in.

Cas scoffs, rolls his eyes, pulls on his coat, and sprints after Dean. "You can't just leave me like that."

"Sure I can," Dean grins once Cas has caught up, "I just did."

Cas sighs and holds the door open for him. "You really are a jerk."

"Why thank you, I do try."

Cas rolls his eyes again and shoves Dean with his shoulder as they join their brothers. "Good morning, Gabriel," he greets. "Sam."

"Morning bro," Gabe replies, raising an eyebrow at the apparent shoving match, but not saying anything.

Cas glances between he and Sam and something clicks. His eyes narrow and he leans forward to hiss at his brother. "I told Dean you were trustworthy!"

"I am trustworthy," Gabe replies at the exact same moment Dean tenses up, glancing between his brother and Gabe, trying to figure out what Cas had noticed. There was something off, he could tell that, but he wasn't quite sure what yet.

"You are an asshole," Cas declares.

"Dear god, Dean, would you stop giving me that bitchface?" Sam demands. "I'm supposed to be the bitchy one."

"Well you are the bitchy one," Dean replies, "but something is going on, and I'm trying to figure out what."

"I'm not an asshole," Gabe argues, drawing Dean's attention to him accidently.

Dean frowns again, before slowly saying, "Have you two? Is that why Cas is saying you're an untrustworthy asshole?" He can feel anger dancing inside him, but he pushes it down, he doesn't know that it's true.

Sam stares at the table. "We uh. Might have, yeah," he admits quietly.

"Seriously!" Dean hisses, leaning across the table and glaring at his brother and Gabriel. Gabriel wisely stays silent, recognizing the protective older brother in Dean and knowing better than to cross him. Gabe himself is an older brother, and he knows he would murder people for Cas.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Gabriel," Cas told his brother.

Gabe crosses his arms, "I haven't done anything stupid," he argues, even though he knows it's pointless.

"You had sex with a minor," Cas hisses through his teeth. "One of your students, _by the way_."

"Technically he isn't one of my students yet," Gabe mutters, picking at a stray thread on his sleeve. He doesn't regret it, but he does see that convincing Cas that this isn't a bad thing is going to be hard, "and he's only just still a minor. I wouldn't have done anything if he hadn't been sure."

" _I_ approached _him_ ," Sam confesses before he can stop himself.

"You _lied_ to me, Sammy!" Dean declares angrily.

Sam slivers down in his seat slightly, avoiding Dean's angry gaze but refusing to apologize. He kind of feels bad about lying, but not enough to apologize. His sex life is none of Dean's business.

"Technically illegal," Dean reminds him. "I get up in your business because you make dumbass decisions like this!"

"It's not a dumbass decision," Sam argues weakly.

"You met each other yesterday," Cas points out.

"Yep," Dean agreed. "And for fuck's sake, you can't just sleep with older guys- how much older than you is he? Do you even know? What's he majoring in? How many siblings does he have?"

"He's 4 years older than me, he's majoring in musical theater and he has about a million siblings, happy now?" Sam snaps, feeling annoyed that his brother still won't just accept his decisions.

Dean glares at him. "I hate it when you take away all of my reasoning to be mad at your life choices."

"Thank you," Sam says with a nod, grabbing a menu and trying to decide what to order. Gabe smiles as he looks over at Sam. Awed by how easily he has diffused his brother and defended his choices.

"And just for the record," Sam adds, glancing at his brother over the top of the menu, "I don't plan on stopping."

Dean bristles, but doesn't argue, instead just opening his own menu and tensely reading it.

Sam paused. "If, uh... if that's alright with you. Gabriel."

"Of course it's ok," Gabe says with a soft smile, ignoring Dean's glare and Cas' disappointed look. They will get used to it.

Sam takes a deep breath and very deliberately takes Gabriel's hand, still not looking away from his menu. He intertwines their fingers just as the waiter comes over. "What can I get you boys?" she asks.

"A stack of pancakes with syrup please," Dean says, trying - and mainly failing - to ignore Sam and Gabe's clasped hands, "and a cup of coffee."

"And I'll have some chocolate chip waffles please," Gabe chirps, squeezing Sam's hand just because he can.

Sam fights down his smile and squeezes back. "Eggs, over hard, and hash browns, please."

"I'll have the same as Dean," Cas answers.

The waiter finishes taking their orders and walks off, leaving the four of them to talk. Dean is still frowning down at his brother and Gabe's hands, but he tries to move on a bit. "So how long are you staying for?" he asks Sam.

"My classes start the same day as yours, so I'll be leaving tonight and on my way back every day starting in... four days."

"You are going to be coming here and back every day?" Gabe asks, "that seems like an annoying waste of a journey."

"Well, I kind of have to, since two of my classes are still at the high school."

"That sounds annoying," Gabe says, squeezing his hand again.

Sam huffs in agreement, rolling his eyes. "It is. But I gotta do it."

"Yes, I guess that's the price you have to pay for being advanced," Gabe agrees with a grin. Dean sighs, looking like he's about to whack his head off the table, glancing at Cas in the hopes he will be able to change the subject in some way.

Cas gets the message. "So, Sam, what are your plans for your career?"

Gabe turns to Sam, incredibly interested in the answer to this question. They had talked a lot the day before, but not so much about future career plans.

Sam shrugs. "I have a few passions. I can see myself as a teacher or a musician, performing artist of some kind, but really if I get my top pick then I am most definitely going into law." He grins at Dean.

Dean rolls his eyes, "you've wanted to be a lawyer since you were about 10 years old, and here you are, breaking the law."

"Technically he isn't breaking the law," Gabe says before he can stop himself, instantly regretting it when he sees the murder glare sent his way, "technically only I am," he finishes slowly.

"I could defend you in court," Sam murmurs, glancing at him and laughing. "'Course, I'd have to get my degree first and I'd have to pass the bar exam _and_ you'd have to actually go to court for statutory rape, but it could happen."

"Well at least I have a safety net," Gabe says, "then again, I'm fairly sure that as a witness or whatever, you wouldn't be able to be my lawyer."

Sam gaped at him. " _What?_ As the minor you had illegal underage sex with I can't represent you in a court of law? That's ridiculous. I don't remember that in Hamilton."

"I know right. It is ridiculous," Gabe says, barely able to get the words out without cracking up.

Sam's smile falters as he catches sight of Dean's face. Never mind, then. He can't do this. "I'm just gonna go," he says, standing to leave. "Since you obviously don't want either of us here."

"Don't go," Cas says quickly, knowing that Dean doesn't want his brother to go, not yet anyway, "we haven't even got our food yet and I still want to get to know you." Dean scowls down at the table, but doesn't argue.

Sam takes a deep breath and sits back down. Since his brother obviously won't be the adult in this situation, that responsibility _once again_ falls to him. "Dean, I'm sorry," he says tensely. "But I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions and I really like him, okay? For his _personality_ , God knows why. I'm fucking tired of you riding me for everything I do. You're not my dad!"

Dean bites his tongue to avoid saying what he wants to say. "No I'm not your dad," he says slowly, glaring at Sam as though his eyes could convey his message well enough, "that doesn't mean I can't worry about you and make sure you are certain about your bad decisions."

"Good, because my dad was an asshole," Sam mutters. "And you are _way_ better than he was. And I don't need another douchebag dad. And yes, I'm sure about my bad decisions. Christ."

"Well yeah, I'm not arguing with that one," Dean mutters, "and ok. I believe you. It might take some getting used to but I trust you."

"Your dad?" Gabe asked slowly, "weren't you saying goodbye to him yesterday?"

Sam bit his lip. "Sorry. Was talking about our bio dad."

"Yeah, the dads who were helping us yesterday are our adopted dads," Dean explains uncomfortably. Just mentioning their bio dad makes his scars itch and he really wants to change the subject. Luckily before anyone else can ask anything, like Dean can see Cas wants to, the waiter walks over with some plates.

"Pancakes for this lovely couple," she says cheerfully, putting the two identical plates in front of Dean and Cas, "waffles for the gentleman in the corner, and eggs for the string bean. Anything else I can do for ya?"

"My coffee?" Dean asks, grateful for the distraction.

She nods. "I'll be right back with that for you, hon." As she walks away, Cas glances at Dean. She'd assumed that they were together and Dean hadn't protested. Cas wonders what that means.

Dean glances away from the window he had been looking out, finding Cas' eyes glued to him. "You ok?" he asks, feeling slightly uncomfortable under the piercing gaze.

Cas blinks and nods. "I'm fine. Eat your food, Dean."

"Ok," Dean says slowly, turning back to his pancakes and trying to avoid the weight of Cas' gaze which he was still sure he could feel, even though he was sure that Cas had turned away.

Cas smiles and digs into his food, effectively ending the conversation.

The waiter returned with Dean's coffee, which Dean accepted with a smile and a quiet "thank you," before reburying himself into his stack of pancakes, happy to just sit with his new friend, brother and Gabriel, and eat his breakfast.

"So, what'd you guys do last night?" Sam asks around his eggs.

"We slept," Dean replies shortly.

"That's it?" Sam laughed, eyebrows raised. "Cause you seem pretty damn intimate."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, confusion filling his tone as he pauses eating his pancakes to stare at his brother. "He has a point," Gabe says carefully, "you do seem pretty close."

"Well for one thing," Sam begins, "you already look at each other like you're in love, which... is frankly ridiculous, especially considering how slow Dean is to love anyone, and... I don't know. _Something_ happened."

"Seriously," Dean replies slowly, "nothing happened. We slept, nothing else. I don't know what you mean about live or whatever, but nothing happened."

Sam chewed his egg, watching them thoughtfully. Without looking away, he asked, "you believe 'em?"

"Not for a second," Gabriel replied without missing a beat.

"So what, you think we've done something?" Cas asks slowly, "because we actually haven't."

"I'm not saying you slept together," Sam said, "I'm just saying you... had a bonding moment or someshit."

"I don't think we did," Dean says slowly, thinking the evening over, "we just went to sleep, no big bonding moment that I can remember."

"It wasn't last night," Cas offers slowly. "It was this morning."

Dean turns around in his seat to look at Cas, "what?" he asks, "have I missed something? Because I can't remember any bonding moments."

Cas smiles as he finishes his bite of pancake. "This morning, I discovered that your brother has never felt rested in his life, and I have resolved to fix that."

"Ok yeah, that happened," Dean agrees, "but that wasn't a bonding moment or anything, that was just me realizing you really are as boring as you seem to think you are, at certain times and your knowledge of herbs is one of those times."

"I was prescribed the melatonin!" Cas protests defensively.

"You know that thing apparently has weird side effects," Gabe says with a grin, "sometimes it's fine, sometimes people claim that you can end up with depression, headaches, dizziness, the works."

"How do you even know that?" Dean asks, "actually never mind, I'm just going to mark it down as 'nerd' and move on."

"He's right," Sam says through a mouthful of hashbrowns, jabbing a thumb in Gabriel's direction.

"And I have an entire list of strategies to help you sleep better, not just drugs," Cas adds.

"Nerd," Dean responds as seriously as he can, nodding his head and trying his best to keep a straight face.

"And you've known him for a whole day and only just realized this?" Gabe laughs.

Cas makes a face at him. "How dare you target me like this."

Gabe makes a face back, "Cassie, when have I ever not targeted you like this?"

Cas scoffs and turns to Sam. "Do you hate your older brother as well?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Sam replies with a grin.

Dean gasps, clutching a hand over his heart as he pretends to be wounded, "Sam! How could you! After all I've done!"

"Suck it, jerk," Sam mutters, flipping him off.

Dean snorts, flipping his brother off back in response, as he finishes up his pancakes and drinks the last of his coffee, wincing at the bitterness of the dregs at the bottom.

Sam laughs. "Didn't even finish the joke, what an ass," he mutters, then glances at his watch. "Oh, shit, I really have to go."

"See you later," Gabe says with a smile, trying to figure out whether kissing Sam goodbye is worth the risk of death which doing it in front of Dean would bring. Eventually, he decides he probably best not. Dean and Cas are only just getting used to it – hell, he and Sam are only just getting used to it! – so he best not push.

"Later," Dean says, pausing a moment before adding, "bitch."

Sam shoots a finger gun at him, grabbing his bag and hauling it up onto his shoulder. "See y'all later."

"I should probably head off soon as well," Gabe says, "I've got a lot to sort out before classes start. I'll see you guys later?"

Cas nods. "Yeah, see you later."

"Come on then," Dean says with a smile, "we should probably head off as well. Any plans for the rest of the day?"

"Not really," Cas replies. "I'm not exactly a busy person, I don't know if you've noticed that yet."

"That's true," Dean laughs, "should we head back to our room and we can figure stuff out from there?"

Cas smiles. He thinks he'd like to hear that laugh forever. "That sounds great."

Dean walks over to the counter, paying for their food before walking out of the diner next to Cas, heading back to their apartment block.

"What are you going to do today?" Cas asks as they walk, just to make conversation.

"I don't know," Dean replies. "Classes don't start until Monday, and I don't really feel like going out and making new friends. Maybe I'll head into town and have a look around, get used to the area and everything."

"Um..." Cas swallows. "May I join you?"

"Sure you can," Dean says with a smile, "it'll be more entertaining if I have someone to talk to anyway."

Cas nods. "Fantastic."

"Ok, we'll head out in half an hour," Dean says with a grin, "get ready."

Cas glances away. "Of course, Dean."

As he prepares for a pointless journey, he ponders the people he's met over the last two days. Sam is certainly something. He's very sweet, and Cas relates to him on a personal level. Both younger siblings, both kind of geeky, both somewhat misunderstood... and Sam wears that look that Cas has seen in his own eye. The look of a man haunted. Beyond that, Cas noticed how Gabriel looked at him. Sam might not realize it, but Gabriel is starstruck, completely infatuated with him. He always did have a thing for younger guys.

And... Dean. Cas likes Dean, liked him instantly when they met, and thinks he'll be perfectly happy with Dean as his roommate for the year. Cas likes to say Dean's name, likes the way it sounds, how it feels in his mouth. He isn't sure what he's feeling, but he wonders if it is, as he suspects, the beginning of something more intense than he's experienced before.

"Ok, ready?" Dean asks, emerging from the bathroom and starting to pull his shoes on.

Cas nods, quickly finishing pulling on his coat. "I'm ready."

"Let's go then," Dean said with a grin, "do you want to go in my car, or drive yourself there?"

 _I would rather stay with you_. "Whatever is easier. I don't want to be a burden."

"You wouldn't be a burden," Dean says quickly before adding, "it would probably save money to just drive together, you can ride with me."

Cas sighs in relief. "Fantastic. I get to see your car now?"

"Yeah, you get to see my Baby," Dean agrees with a smile, trying to ignore how happy he is at the thought of Cas riding shotgun in his car.

"Your _Baby_?" Cas looks at him curiously. "I was unaware that cars could be considered one's offspring."

Dean laughs, unable to hold it in when Cas is using such a serious tone while he asks about whether his car is his child.

"I..." Cas trailed off. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry about it," Dean assures Cas, clapping him on the shoulder as he says, "nothing is wrong. You're just adorable."

Cas thinks if Dean weren't dragging him out of the room he might stand there, blushing and stammering forever. Dean thinks he's _adorable_? That can't be right. He's never been adorable.

"Come on, get your feet moving," Dean chuckles, "I'm not dragging you all the way to the car."

Cas clears his throat and nods. "Of course. Lead on, Dean."

Dean laughs again, stopping right in front of his Baby. "Here she is," he says with a smile.

Cas stares at the sleek black car. "She's beautiful," he says.

Dean smiles, internally partying. Cas thought that Baby was beautiful! He doesn't know why he cares so much about Cas' opinion, but he does.

Cas walks over to the passenger door and stands next to it, waiting for Dean to unlock the car.

"Here we go," Dean says, unlocking the car and climbing in. He turned her engine on and just sat there for a moment, listening to her purr.

Cas slides in next to him and watches as Dean bites his lip and closes his eyes. His expression is blissful. He's gorgeous. Fuck, Cas is so far gone.

Dean opens his eyes slowly, shocked to see Cas' eyes on him again. "You ok?" he asks, confused about why Cas is staring at him.

Cas shakes himself. "I'm fine. Shall we go?"

"Yeah," Dean agrees hesitantly, still confused about what's up with Cas. He shakes his worries away, deciding that now's not the time, and begins the drive.

Cas avoids looking at Dean for any length of time longer than two seconds for the duration of the drive. It's quiet and peaceful. It's easier than talking.

Dean pays as much attention to the road as he can. He wants to look at Cas, feels the need building in his chest, but he doesn't. Because he can't. Because if he looks he won't be able to look away again and that's a very bad idea while driving.

"Where are we going?" Cas finally asks.

"To the biggest town we can find nearby," Dean answers, looking around to try and find some sign posts to direct them.

Cas shrugged. "Alright, that makes sense then."

"Yep," Dean replies, following the sign post he has just found and turning right.

Cas nods. "Yes," he agrees.

Dean laughs. They conversation had just turned straight into the odd zone and he can't help it. Cas just sounds so serious all the time, even when he's saying that going to the nearest town makes sense.

Cas smiles. "I had a feeling I might get that reaction."

"Oh yeah, did you do it on purpose then, just to make me laugh," Dean teases.

"Perhaps," Cas replies evasively.

Dean feels himself blushing, the very thought of Cas doing anything to make him laugh making him smile and making his cheeks redden.

Cas doesn't know what to say. Again. English is hard, talking is hard. It's harder for him. He sighs.

"You ok?" Dean asks, hearing Cas' annoyed sounding sigh.

"I think so," Cas replies.

"You sure?" Dean double checks, "think isn't very reassuring."

Cas sighs. "Not really, but I doubt that that is a conversation we should have in your car. Or this early on in our relationship."

"Ok, just know that if you need to talk, I'm here," Dean replies, trying to ignore how Cas called their friendship a 'relationship'. He knows it's just how Cas speaks, but it still made his heart excited for no reason.

"Talking is not one of my very few skills, Dean," Cas tells him curtly.

"Neither," Dean says with a smile, "feelings and all that stuff, not one of my skills, however, if you ever need anyone to badly talk to, then I'm here. Also you have a lot more than 'a few' skills. I can promise you that."

Cas laughs unwillingly in response to that. "Thank you, Dean. I just don't know that you'd... care. Or just if I told you you'd decide you don't need a friend like me, that I'm going to... drag you down."

Dean pauses for a moment, glancing away from the road for just long enough to glare at Cas, "of course I care, you're my friend, and I don't know what you could possibly say that could change my opinions of you." He keeps his voice firm, so that Cas knew he isn't joking or messing around.

"Okay," Cas replies, falling into an awkward silence. He briefly wonders why this is so hard to say before concluding that it's because everything is hard for him to say.

Dean can feel the awkward silence but before he can do do anything to stop it, he has to find a parking spot. "Anything you want to do while we are here?" he asks, pulling into the first spot he finds.

"I'm not sure what there is to do," Cas replies. "What do you suggest?"

"Well we should look around, get to know the area, find the best food places and stuff. And we need to get you some casual clothes."

"Right," Cas says, chuckling. "I had nearly forgotten the prime directive of our outing."

Dean smiles, "come on then, let's go."

Cas nods and gets out of the car a little regretfully. He pauses. "I am growing very attached to your Baby."

"Good, anyone who isn't attached to her after a drive in her, is not to be trusted."

Cas laughs. "Do you trust your brother? Because he seems to have a certain amount of distaste for your connection with your car."

"No, not in the slightest."

Cas grins at him. "Somehow, I remain unsurprised. Shall we?"

"Let's go," Dean agrees with a smile, walking away from the car and towards the center of town. They had parked nearby, so they only have a short walk towards the shopping section.

"What kinds of clothes does one typically buy for casual wear?"

"Casual clothes, jeans, t-shirts the kind if things I wear."

Cas cocked his head to one side. "AC/DC t-shirts and ripped jeans with frayed cuffs?"

"Yeah," Dean says enthusiastically before frowning, "well, not exactly. But along those lines."

Cas chuckles. "I was messing with you. I apologize. I am autistic so my jokes don't always go through."

"Oh ok," Dean says. He has the feeling Cas didn't mean to say that, so he makes sure to not react, "I'll remember that in the future, despite outwardly appearance of a tax accountant, Cas sometimes makes jokes."

Cas almost smiles, but falters as he thinks back over what he just said. "Fuck," he whispers. "That was unintentional and not at all how I meant to tell you that. I'm sorry, Dean, I didn't-"

"You didn't what Cas?" Dean asks gently, "I don't know what you're apologizing for. I'm sorry that I know and you weren't ready to tell me, but there is no reason to say sorry to me, why would I need an apology?"

"I don't know," Cas told him. "I'm autistic. I don't know how to talk to people."

"Ok," Dean says, making a mental note to stand with Cas in social situations. Cas always seemed fairly realized around Dean, and if he could help him, he would. "Well come on, we have clothes to buy."

Cas nodded, biting down on his lip, and followed Dean into the nearest clothing store.

Dean walks into the store, looking around at all the different sections before heading towards the man's section. He quickly glances behind him to make sure Cas is following, he doesn't want to get split up from Cas in the very depths of a clothing store.

Cas reaches out and takes Dean's hand on impulse so he doesn't lose him.

Dean almost trips over his feet when Cas grabs his hand, but he manages to keep on balance and keep walking, not giving away how shocked he is. Cas is just making sure he doesn't get lost, that's all, and to be honest Dean is glad. He doesn't want to lose Cas either.

Cas follows Dean through the whole store, and they finally stop in the men's section. "Help me," he implores his friend.

"Sure, do you want to look at jeans, tops or sweaters first?"

Cas shrugs. "What do you think I need?"

"Well, probably everything to be honest," Dean says with frown, thinking things through, "you don't really have any casual clothes do you?"

"Like I said," Cas informs him. "This and my suit are all I own."

"Ok, so basically none," Dean nodded, "in that case we will start with tees and work out way around."

"Wonderful," Cas replies.

"Come on," Dean says, walking towards the tee section, "any ideas about colors or patterns?"

"I like green," Cas says before he can stop himself, looking at Dean's gorgeous emerald eyes.

"Ok, any others?" Dean asks, trying to ignore how Cas' piercing gaze is making him feel.

"I'm not sure," Cas murmurs, not taking his eyes off of Dean.

"Okay," Dean says slowly, trying desperately to shift Cas' eyes off him before he does something he'll regret, "any patterns?"

"Hm," Cas intoned thoughtfully, thinking over the clothes he'd seen in Dean's closet. "Plaid?"

"Yeah, we can see if we can find you some plaid and some green. We should also find you some blue, and obviously anything else you find that you like."

"Blue?" Cas asked quizzically. "Why?"

"It'll being out your eyes," Dean explains before blushing, "I mean, I guess. I don't really know, but it would probably suit you anyway."

Cas bites his lip. "Thank you, Dean."

"You're welcome," Dean replies, dragging his eyes away from Cas' lips, "come on, pick out some tees you like," he gestures at the racks of tees surrounding them.

Cas looks around and grabs two plaid flannels, one green and one blue, as well as a few t-shirts with graphics he likes. "Is this enough?"

"Yeah that's perfect," Dean says with a grin, "let's just grab you some jeans and possibly a sweater or two and then get out of here."

Cas smiles. "That sounds great."

"Come on then, do you know your pant size?" Dean asks, grabbing Cas' arm and practically dragging him to the jeans section.

Cas laughed. "I'm not sure, no."

"Ok, you'll have to try on a couple of different pairs then," Dean says. He looks between his legs and Cas', trying to assure the embarrassed part of his brain that he is _not_ checking Cas out, he is just trying to find his jean size. That's all. He definitely isn't noticing Cas' muscular legs - he clearly runs a lot. He isn't. All he is noticing is that Cas is slightly smaller than him, and will probably need the size down from him.

"Here you go, go and try these on," he says, pushing a pair of jeans at Cas before his brain can well and truly collapse.

Cas recoils in shock when Dean suddenly brandishes a pair of jeans at him. He blinks before taking them hesitantly. "Alright," he says quietly, then makes his way over to a fitting room.

Dean watches Cas walk away before shrugging, grabbing a couple more pairs and following him over. He can wait outside while Cas tries the jeans on.

Cas comes out, feeling incredibly self-conscious about how tight these jeans are, but his insecurities are quickly forgotten when he sees the look on Dean's face.

Dean blinks, trying to focus on something other than the way the skinny jeans hug Cas' ass and thighs. Now is not the time. "Do they fit?" he asks, wincing at how rough his voice sounds.

Cas raises one eyebrow. He'd known Dean was attracted to him, but... wow. "Yes, they fit very well," he says pleasantly.

"Uhhh, good," Dean says, rubbing his jaw and trying to figure out what to do now. He is trying his best not to stare at Cas, but it's getting difficult, "you want to try on any other pairs?"

"I'll just take a few of these," Cas says. "I'm growing attached to them."

"Ok great," Dean says with a smile which is slightly forced. He isn't quite sure how he is going to survive Cas wearing those jeans at all times, but he guesses he will have to. "You want to change back, grab a sweater and get out of this hell hole?" he asks.

Cas nods. "Sure."

"Ok great," Dean says. Again. Because all of his higher brain function has been turned off by the fact that Cas still hasn't changed out of those fucking jeans.

Cas feels himself smirk slightly as he turns around to reenter the changing room. If only he were a braver man...

Dean glares at the floor, as if he can blame it for the mess his brain appears to be in. It's not his fault, it's the floor. That's all. He is not attracted to his new best friend. Of course not, that would be weird, and - he's just not.

Cas comes back out, carrying his jeans, and something catches his eye. "I want that," he decides, pointing at the fuzzy gray sweater.

"Ok," Dean says, reaching up and grabbing it off the shelf, "any reason or do you just like it?"

"It looks soft."

"Ok, makes sense. Let's go buy this stuff then."

Cas smiles and takes the sweater from him. He was right; it is soft. He takes it over to the counter, then falters. "How are we paying for this?" he asks.

"Well, I'm assuming you have some money, I have some money, we can always pool our cash. I have a clothes allowance and I don't need any new clothes for now."

Cas looks down in shame. "I don't have any money, Dean, besides what I've saved up to buy food. As I said before, I am paying for college entirely on my own. I don't have much extra money after tuition."

"As I'm sure I've said before, I hate your family. But don't worry, my dad's are helping pay for my tuition, I'm sure they won't mind me helping out a friend."

"Your dads... remind me their names?" Cas asks. "If you told me."

"Bobby and Crowley, I don't think I've told you before."

Cas nods. "Crowley. That's an interesting name."

"Tell me about it," Dean says with a grin, "then again, Castiel isn't much better."

Cas laughed. "I suppose. My father is... somewhat of an eccentric gentleman."

"Yeah I can tell," Dean laughs, "eccentric sounds a bit of an understatement."

Cas smacked him slightly. "You don't know him."

"He called you Castiel. He called your brother Gabriel. I don't need to know him."

Cas smiles. "We're named for angels," he says quietly.

Dean feels his heart stutter. Cas sounds so sad and Dean feels awful at the very notion that it was his words which caused it. "I'm sorry," Dean replies equally quietly, "I didn't mean for that to sound rude. Your name suits you, it's just not exactly common."

"I'm not offended," Cas replies. "It's just- my father died, last week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Dean says, hating how the weight on his shoulders seems to lessen ever so slightly with Cas' words. He's an asshole. He should not be relieved that Cas' dad died, even if it did mean that it wasn't Dean that upset him. Like he's already thought, he is an asshole.

"I didn't care much for him, but my older brother has become an even bigger douchebag since he died because he's in charge now, and I just- sometimes I want to punch him." Cas clenched his jaw. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. Let's just buy these things and get out of here."

"Hey, it's ok," Dean says, "we'll buy these clothes, but if you need someone to talk to about family problems, I'm here."

Cas sighs. "Maybe."

"Ok," Dean says, patting Cas on the shoulder before getting into line, grabbing his card out to buy Cas' new clothes.

Cas stood there silently as Dean paid, not sure how to accept his charity, and doesn't speak without prompting as they walk back to Dean's (admittedly very gorgeous) car. Dean tries, Cas will give him that.

"You ok?" Dean asks after the sixth failed conversation starter. He understands that not everyone is particularly chatty, but Cas seems quieter, more reserved, than he did earlier.

Cas sighs. "Why are you doing this for me, Dean?" he asks honestly.

"What do you mean?"

Cas finally looks at him. "I am aware that you are attracted to me, but if all you want is to 'get into my pants'-" he does the air-quotes "you wouldn't have gone to all this trouble. No one is nice to me just for the hell of it. So tell me, Dean Winchester, why exactly are you making such a point to care?"

Dean blinks, unsure what to do now his secret attraction is - well - no longer secret. It doesn't take him long to make a decision. Even if Cas knows, that doesn't change the fact that he wasn't being nice to Cas because of it. "Because you are my friend, and I care about you."

"But _why_?" Cas demands. "You met me yesterday!"

"I don't know! You're still me friend, time doesn't change that! Are you trying to say you don't count me as a friend?"

"I'm saying I don't qualify as a good enough friend for you to buy me clothes."

"Well I disagree," Dean says decisively, "I guess I just build attachment quickly because in my mind you're my best friend and I would die for you. Clothes are barely anything."

That stops Cas's heart. "You would die for me?"

"Well yeah," Dean replies, "why do you sound so surprised? I've already said I would murder for you, dying is pretty much the next step up."

Cas stands frozen for a moment, then pulls Dean against him and hugs him. "I just want you to know I'm cursed. You're probably better off getting out while you still can."

Dean relaxes into the hug, content to just stand there with Cas' arms around him for a minute, "Well I'd rather have you, cursed or not," he says with a laugh, "so I guess you're not getting rid of me any time soon."

Cas's grip tightens on him involuntarily. _I'd rather have you, cursed or not._

 _I'd rather have you,_ Dean said. _I'd rather have you._ _Cursed or not._

He lets go. "We should return to campus," he says as evenly as he can. As soon as Dean nods, picks up the bags and starts to load them into Baby's trunk, Cas turns away from him and rolls up his sleeve. There, on his arm, in gorgeous cursive, are the words that used to be black and are now, inexplicably, bright green. **I'd rather have you,** they read. **Cursed or not.**

This is terrible. This means two things, two horrible, life-ruining things. A. Dean Winchester, his roommate, is also his soulmate. B. Castiel Novak is in love with one Dean Winchester.

He is so royally fucked.

Dean knows that he keeps on repeating himself, but he can't help himself asking "are you sure you're ok?" as he starts driving off. Cas is being very quite, somehow even quieter than before, and Dean is worried.

"I'm fine," Cas tells him for the thirtieth time. "I am fantastic, in fact. I'm simply... processing some news that I got just now."

"Good news?"

"I don't know yet," Cas replied curtly.

"Ok," Dean says, wracking his brains to figure out what news Cas could have possibly got between the shop and the car, "do you think it's going to end up as good news?"

Cas glanced at him. "I hope so."

"You don't sound very sure," Dean points out gently.

"I want it to be," Cas says. "But I doubt that it will be."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Dean says, following the signs back to their college, "well, I hope everything sorts itself out for you."

Cas nods. "Thank you, Dean." Because Cas knows not all soulmates are requited, and it seems very likely that Dean does not love him back and has another soulmate that is decidedly not Cas. He resolves to double his efforts to keep Dean out of his bed.

Dean frowns as he pulls into his parking spot and walks back up to his and Cas' room. "What do you want to do now?" he asks.

"I might just read for a while," Cas says shyly. He suddenly has a whole new layer of shit when it comes to Dean.

"Ok, I wasn't planning on going out anyway. I'm thinking about watching a movie, I'll go on my computer and use earphones so I don't distract you from your book."

Cas nods, not making eye contact with Dean as he unlocks the door. _I love you_ , he wants to say. _I have loved no one this way in my entire life and I was starting to think it was not possible for me to love, but I love you. I love you, and it scares me, and I don't know how to navigate it._ He wants to say something. He wants to tell Dean that he knows, but he can't do it. "If you want to do something else, feel free," he adds.

"Nah I'm good," Dean says with an easy smile, "shopping is tiring, I could do with a relaxing evening."

Cas nods, forcing a smile. "Great."

Dean flops down on his bed, grabbing his laptop and putting his earphones in, opening Netflix and trying to figure out what to watch.

Cas wants to join him, wants to curl up in that not-so-comfortable bed, wrap himself around him, steal one of his earbuds. He imagines it, how it would play out. Dean would grin up at him and offer the headphones, and Cas would slide under his covers and press his right side against Dean's left. And then he's doing it. He crosses the room and stands there awkwardly besides Dean's bed, waiting for Dean to notice him.

"Hey Cas," Dean says, looking up from his Netflix browsing to see that somehow Cas has crossed the room and is now standing next to him, without Dean noticing. "You need something?"

"I-" Cas freezes. He doesn't know how to ask for what he wants. "I wanted to watch with you."

"Sure," Dean says, trying to hide how happy Cas coming to join him was making him for no apparent reason. "Any movie suggestions? I haven't chosen one yet."

Cas sits down hesitantly next to him. "What's your favorite genre?"

"I like lots of stuff," Dean says with a shrug, "I normally go for the more action movies, but I also like comedies and stuff."

Cas smiles. "Comedies?"

"Yeah," Dean says slowly, "is this your way of saying you want to watch a comedy, or are you judging me?"

"No, I-" Cas sighs. He knows that Dean knows now, and that Dean doesn't care, but these are the moments that being on the spectrum really gets to him. He usually doesn't mind so much, but when he's trying to say something important or he's inadvertently offending people, it bothers him. "I like. Comedies. Also."

"Ok great, what's your favorite?" Dean asks. He ignores the way Cas's eyes scrunch up and his speech slows, a pair of tells Dean has figured out means he's getting frustrated and focuses instead on Netflix. He knows how annoying it is to have people point stuff out, or treat you differently because of something, and he is refusing to do the same to Cas. If Cas needs to talk, he'll talk, but if all that's going on is movie picking, then he will just leave it alone.

"I like _The Incredibles_ ," Cas offers.

"The Incredibles?" Dean repeats, "are we thinking about the same movie here?"

"The... animated film about superheroes?" Cas says uncertainly.

"Yeah that's the one," Dean confirms slowly, "you want to watch that one?"

"If you want to. It was just a suggestion." Cas points to the screen. "It caught my eye."

Dean looks at Cas for a minute, trying to figure out what's going on. Cas definitely looks sincere, he doesn't look like this is all a big joke, he looks like he wants to watch the Incredibles. "Sure," Dean says, going to click on the movie and questioning himself on why on earth he is about to watch a kids’ movie, just because Cas asked to. He very quickly decides that that is a can of worms which he definitely doesn't want to open.

"What is your problem with it, exactly?"

"Nothing, don't worry," Dean says quickly, possibly too quickly but no one's timing.

Cas raises his eyebrows. "It's fine, Dean, it was just a suggestion. If you don't want to watch it it isn't very important to me."

"It doesn't matter to me either," Dean says with a sigh, twisting his computer so it was facing Cas, "just put on whatever you want," he offers, too tired to bother deciding for himself.

Cas feels himself slump. This wasn't his intended effect at all. He sighs. "Never mind," he says quietly. "I'll just go." He starts to stand up, to go back to his bed and read his book instead because he's screwed it up again, because he can't seem to get through one interaction without messing up.

"Don't go," Dean says before he can think his actions through, reaching out to grab Cas' arm.

Cas whirls to look at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Dean says, unsure why Cas looks quite so... shocked? Dean doesn't know, but Cas looks something. And for some reason, it hurts Dean to see it.

Cas slowly sits back down on the edge of the bed. "I thought I had... made you upset, or uncomfortable, or something. That you would prefer it if I disappeared for a while."

"No of course not!" Dean gasps. "I never want you to disappear. I know I'm awful at talking, possibly worse than you at times, but I really do want to watch what you want to put on," he gestures to the computer again, "if you still want to pick?"

"Then let's watch The Incredibles, even if it's a kid's movie." Cas smiles cheekily at Dean. "That's a stupid concept anyway, it's a stellar animated film, and I can tell that you like it despite your protests."

"Hey!" Dean complains, "we met yesterday, you don't know anything about me. You can't just assume I like a random movie."

Cas bites his lip. He's not fond of the reminder that he's somehow fallen in love with someone he met twenty-four hours and change ago. "I'm not assuming," he says. "I have a... a gut feeling."

"Ok," Dean says slowly, feeling the change in the mood of the room, but unable to figure out what caused it, "well you enjoy that."

Cas tries to shrug it off. "You like it, don't you?" he teases, grinning and poking Dean in the ribs as he slides back into the bed, feeling the solid warmth of Dean against his side. "I think you like a kid's movie, Mr. Mature Adult Too-Cool-For-School College Student." He doesn't know where he picked these phrases up, but they're coming in handy.

"Wow," Dean laughs, wriggling away from Cas' poking and trying to ignore the instinct to lean into Cas, "Mr. Tax Accountant learned how to tease people."

Cas shrugs. "I have been hanging around you."

"Good point," Dean agrees with a nod of his head, "come on then, are we watching the baby movie or not?" he asks, his tone teasing and light.

Cas slides closer so they're connected from shoulder to ankle. "If you want."

Dean feels himself freeze. He can feel Cas next to him in hyper focus and he can barely seem to breathe properly anymore. "Great," he says, trying to figure out why on earth he's reacting like this.

Cas grins at him. "Come on. Let's watch the movie." And Dean starts it up, and Cas watches him casually until Dean makes a snarky comment and points at the screen. Cas shakes himself and looks back, a small smile on his face.

#~+~#

The next several weeks are absolute torture for Dean. He reacts in the weirdest ways to Cas and his whole body is on fire every time Cas comes close to him. And then randomly, five weeks into classes, the torture becomes physical.

Dean grunts as he collapses back onto his bed, trying to ignore the stabbing pain which randomly bursts through him. He's exhausted after a long day and is really not in the mood for pain.

When Dean starts worrying his lip and blinking rapidly, Cas knows something's going on. Dean would never admit to being in pain, but he still has tells. "Dean? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Dean says quickly, trying to breathe through the pain which is only getting worse the longer he tries to ignore it.

"Dean. You are in pain. Let me examine you." Cas gently stretches Dean out on the couch. "Where does it hurt?"

"Nowhere, I'm fine," Dean replies, trying to hide his grimace as Cas' bustling causes another stab of pain.

Cas started to slowly work his way down Dean's body, gently pressing at different parts. Dean hissed through his teeth when Cas pressed down just above his left hipbone, and he froze. "Oh."

"Oh what?" Dean asks, slightly harsher than intended. He is slightly pissed about Cas finding out about his 'secret' pain. He is Dean Winchester, he's supposed to conceal all this crap and not burden other people with his problems. Oh, and the fact that fucking hurt and all Cas had to say was 'oh'.

"Dean, I believe you have appendicitis," Cas told him. "I'm going to call an ambulance."

"No ambulance," Dean groans, "I'm fine, I don't have appendicit-" Dean starts, having to cut off when he tries to sit up and a new bolt of pain - more savage and sharp than the other ones - bursts through him.

Cas puts ever so slight pressure on the spot and feels the small raised bump under his skin. "You definitely have appendicitis. I'm taking you to the hospital. We can't afford an ambulance, I need the keys to your car."

Dean hisses sharply as Cas presses on his skin. He thinks about continuing arguing, but the pain is getting worse every time he moves and honestly, if listening to Cas is what it takes to make it go away, he will do so. Even if involves a hospital. "Keys are in my jacket," Dean mutters, waving a weak arm in the vague direction of where he had dumped his jacket.

Cas nods, turning to scramble for the keys. He glances at Dean, then grits his teeth. "This is going to hurt," he says. "I don't envy you." That's all the warning he gives before he bends and lifts Dean into his arms, trying to avoid jostling his left side too much, allowing his head to slump onto Cas's shoulder. His heartbeat quickens at the proximity but he ignores it; now's not the time. He gently carries him out to the car, fumbles to unlock it, and lays Dean across the back seat. He takes the streets as fast as he dares and makes it to the hospital in ten minutes.

Dean has to bite back multiple screams of pain as he is carried out to the car. He rests his head on Cas' shoulder, trying to remember to breathe and praying the pain would end soon. He knows that if he wasn't seeing the world through a haze of pain, he would have a lot of thoughts about how easily Cas was carrying him, but as it is he's too busy trying not to pass out.

Once he gets to the hospital, they put Dean on a stretcher, and Cas breathes a sigh of relief. _I'm so sorry, Dean_ , he thinks. He follows him to his room and stands by the wall as they prepare to put Dean under for surgery.

Dean knows his face is probably as pale as a ghost, but he can't change that. He hates hospitals, he hates feeling helpless and he hates anesthesia. It's the forced unconsciousness, the fact that anyone could do anything, and he would just be asleep, unable to protect himself. He leans his head backwards, trying to find where Cas is standing, hoping that his friend will be able to calm him slightly.

Cas darts to Dean's side. "I'm right here," he says. "Are you going to be alright?"

Dean nods hesitantly, searching Cas' eyes as though he will be able to find any answers he need in them. Cas seems worried, but not overly so, and Dean relaxes fractionally. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I will," Cas promises. "I swear it."

"Ok," Dean breathes, trying to calm his beating heart, "I'll be alright then," he says with a tight smile.

Cas nods. "I'll be here while you're under, too. I'll fight off anyone who tries to hurt you."

Dean feels his smile relax into a slightly more genuine one, "well in that case I will definitely be safe. No one's getting past you."

Cas nods. "Not a single person." They inject Dean with the anesthetic. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," Dean mumbles, his eyes slipping shut, "'ll s' ya l'ter," he slurs, the anesthetic taking full hold.

Cas nods. Dean's eyes fall shut, and he moves to a different area of the room so the surgeons can proceed with the appendectomy.

#~+~#

Dean wakes slowly. He feels like he had just had the weirdest dream, but he can't quite remember what it was. He also feels like something was off, like there was something he was missing. He kept his eyes closed, listening out to try and figure out what was going on.

Cas is at his side in seconds when his breathing hitches. "Dean?" he asks quietly.

Dean stills, Cas. Cas was here. Where was here though? He blinks his eyes open slowly, squinting in the light as he tries to figure out what's going on, without letting the panic he can feel creeping in consume him.

Cas takes his hand. "I understand if you're disoriented. You're in the hospital, recovering from an appendectomy. I'm covering your hospital bills, so don't worry. Are you feeling alright?"

Dean blinks, "Yeah, I think so," he says, his voice rough from the anesthetic, "have you been there all this time?"

Cas nods, squeezing his hand. "I told you I would be, remember?"

"Cas," Dean says, his voice a mixture of awe and shock, "you stayed there, waiting for me? Who even are you?"

Cas chuckles. "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," he murmurs. All the blood drains out of Dean's face. Cas hesitates, suddenly nervous. "Uh, Dean, that... that was a joke."

"Yeah, yeah," Dean says, his voice rough and his thoughts racing, "I picked up on that." He absentmindedly starts picking at his shirt sleeve - the one which is hiding his words. The words which are a perfect echo of what Cas had just said. He loves Cas. Cas is his soulmate. How is this even possible?

"Are you alright?" Cas asks quietly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, everything's fine," Dean says, looking down so he doesn't have to make eye contact, "just realizing something." He wonders a moment about whether he should tell Cas what's happening, but decides that's a bad idea. There is no way Cas could ever like him back, and there is no point making things awkward.

Cas nods. He wants to ask but he has a feeling Dean would tell him if he wanted him to know. "Well you shouldn't be stuck here much longer. I apologize."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Dean assures quickly, "But I will be glad to get out of here as soon as I can."

"I did drag you to a hospital when you deliberately said no hospitals," Cas points out.

"Yeah, but thanks to you and the hospital, it doesn't hurt any more, so I'll give you a pass on that one."

Cas sighs heavily. He hadn't realized how nervous he'd been that Dean would be angry. "Alright. Well as soon as they decide you're fit for release I can drive you back home. Congrats on your appendectomy."

"Thanks, I'll add it to my list of achievements," Dean says with an eye roll and a grin.

Cas laughs in return. "Yes, it should go right at the top."

"I don't know," Dean laughs, feeling giddy which is probably due to the pain medication, but who's looking into that, "I've done some pretty wild stuff in my life which probably ranks just above not dying from appendicitis."

Cas looks at him curiously. "Then tell me some stories."

"What? About times I fucked up?"

"No," Cas says instantly. "I want to hear about 'wild things you've done that rank above not dying from appendicitis'."

"I'm fairly sure all of those things count as times I fucked up," Dean grins, suddenly realizing why this guy is his soul mate.

Cas shrugs. "Maybe. But I'll still think you're cool."

Dean smiles, a wide smile. He knows why he fell in love with this guy, he knows why he's soulmates with this guy. And yet - he doesn't deserve Cas. The likelihood is that Cas has his own soulmate, just waiting for them to meet and fall in love and be happy, Dean can't get in the way of that.

Dean's grinning at him and Cas thinks he wants to kiss him more than anything. He takes a shaky breath and says, "I still want to hear it. By the way."

"Of course you do," Dean laughs. He thinks of all the things he counts as achievements, fucking up and actual achievements included. His biggest achievement has to be protecting Sam all those years with John, but that seems a bit too heavy - a bit too revealing - to tell Cas about. Instead he opts for the stupid story.

"When I was 15 I managed to break my arm by falling down the stairs," he says, "I had no reason to fall down the stairs, my foot just slipped while I was distracted by my phone."

It was a good memory that one, despite the pain of a broken arm, because instead of just telling him to live with it, or walk it off - like John would have - his dads had taken him to the hospital and gotten him checked out. They hadn't been mad, or told him off for being so stupid, they just made sure he was okay. Dean was fairly sure that was the day he started relaxing around the house, when his subconscious brain finally caught onto what every other part of his brain had been saying - _I am safe here_. Sure, he was still jumpy, he still is now, but that was the turning point. "I'm not sure if that is top of the list of achievements, but it's pretty high up."

Cas smiles softly at him, almost as if he can read his mind. "That's kind of funny."

"Yeah. What about you? You must have some pretty big fuck ups on your achievement list."

Cas bites his lip. There are plenty to choose from. He doesn't particularly feel like telling Dean about why he got kicked out of his house, why his incredibly rich family won't pay his tuition, why everything's going to be arguably _worse_ than it was before now that his father is dead...

"Possibly the most impressive thing I've ever done was assist Gabriel in waging prank war on our older brother Luci."

"You pranked Lucifer?" Dean laughs, "now I really want to hear what happened. How do you even prank the devil?"

"Ask Gabriel," Cas replies. "It was all his plans, I just helped execute them."

"Good to know," Dean says, "I will add it to my to do list. Ask Gabe how to prank the devil."

"You're free to go," says a nurse from the doorway.

"Cool," Dean says with a smile, looking around, "hey Cas? Do you know where my clothes are?" he asks, flushing red slightly, which is stupid, but he can't control it, so here he is.

"Yeah," Cas says, standing up to get them. "I'll give you a minute. I'll be right outside."

"Thanks," Dean says, taking his clothes and once Cas has walked away, slowly climbing out of bed. His side stings slightly, but he appears to still be hopped up on pain medication so he just ignores it, climbing into his jeans and a tee.

When Dean joins him in the hallway (thank God above that Cas avoided seeing any more skin than he needed to - he might have spontaneously combusted), Cas smiles at him and extends a hand without thinking. "Shall we?"

"Yeah, let's get outta here," Dean agrees, thinking for a moment before reaching out and grabbing Cas' hand. He can always blame it on the pain medication later on.

Cas leads him back to the Impala and almost gives him the keys before thinking better of it. Dean's probably still high on morphine. He's not fit to operate a motor vehicle.

Dean sighs when Cas leads him over to the passenger door. He wants to drive, but he knows that's not likely to happen. To be honest, he would probably drive them off the road, but that doesn't change the fact that he hates sitting in the passenger seat. This is his car! His baby! He should be allowed to drive.

Cas laughs at the expression on Dean's face. "Somehow I have a feeling you'll survive."

"I doubt it," Dean mutters, glaring at the floor.

Cas rolls his eyes as he slides into the car. "You will. Get in."

Dean gapes for a moment, shaking his head as he opens the door and collapses into the seat, muttering the whole way about certain "stupid roommates who don't believe that I won't survive this."

When Cas turned off the engine in the campus parking lot, he turned to look at Dean. "Are you bleeding?" he asked, all fake concern. "Are you still breathing? Oh look. It wasn't fatal. You survived. Get out of the car."

"Can't leave the car," Dean says, making his voice as pathetic and weak as he can, "I have died, I am brain dead and all my organs have shut down. I tried to warn you, but you didn't believe me."

Cas laughs out loud. "Then I guess I'll have to carry you again."

Dean freezes unsure of what to do. He can't lie, being carried by Cas seems very appearing, especially not that he isn't delirious with pain and he now knows that Cas is his soulmate. And there is the very reason he can't. He can't let his one sided attraction ruin what they have. Cas is his own person who should make his own choices, It would be unfair of Dean to get his hopes up, when Cas will never love him back.

And then Cas is standing next to him as if to lift him up. He wasn't joking. He catches sight of Dean's face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Dean croaks, without even thinking about what he's saying.

Cas nods slowly. "Alright," he says, then actually does lift Dean out of the car and carry him to their room.

Dean definitely doesn't squeak when Cas picks him up. Dean Winchester doesn't squeak. He is a little - well, a lot - surprised by it, and he maybe clings around Cas' neck a little- just so he doesn't get dropped of course - but he doesn't squeak.

Dean's head rests against his shoulder and Cas smiles a little at how surprised he is. He dumps him onto his bed and starts to take off his coat.

Dean gasps a bit, the stitches in his side pulling as he bounces on the bed from the drop. "Dude!" he says, trying to ignore how strong Cas must be to so easily be able to carry him all the way here and not seem tired from it, "I literally just got let out of hospital!"

Cas rolls his eyes. "I dropped you six inches, Dean."

"Six inches too far Cas," Dean says, trying to keep a straight face and a serious voice, despite how cute Cas looks when he rolls his eyes. Wait? What? Cas isn't cute. Damn it, Dean is meant to be avoiding thoughts like this, even if Cas is his soulmate, there isn't a future for them. No point getting any hopes up or anything.

Cas turns his back. He can't keep looking at Dean or he'll do something stupid like kiss him. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Dean says with a laugh, feeling the mood in the room change, even if he can't figure out what it's shifted into. "What are we going to do now? We have an entire afternoon and I have no plans to leave this room."

Cas laughs. "Whatever you want. You were the one in the hospital bed."

Dean grimaces slightly, "yeah and can I please never do that again, that was not fun." He thinks for a moment, trying to figure out what he wants to do. There is one obvious thing which stands out to him, he's just not sure if it's a good idea. Cas is his soulmate, but that just complicates the problems Dean was already having before he found out.

Cas shrugs. "You only have one appendix. What would you like to do?"

"Do you want to watch a movie with me?" Dean asks. He knows it's a bad idea, the only way they could watch a movie will be on a computer, which will mean sitting pressed up next to each other to see the screen. But right now, Dean feels kinda fragile - not that he would ever edmit it out loud - he guesses that appendicitis will do that to a guy, and he kind of just wants the reassuring touch of his soulmate. Even if Cas doesn't know. And even if this makes Dean pathetic. And even if this can never be anything more than just this.

Cas smiles. He can sit next to Dean, run his hand down Dean's arm, hug him, reassure him. He wants that, that closeness, that comfort, that feeling of love from his soulmate, even though Dean will never love him that way. He nods. "A movie sounds awesome."

Dean smiles in relief, "great, any suggestions?" he asks, shuffling to the top of his bed and propping the pillow up so they can lean against it. He pulls his laptop over to him, unlocking it and opening up Netflix.

"Whatever you want," Cas repeats. He's looking at Dean's profile, his emerald eyes, his _chiseled fucking jawline_. He can't think properly. If he says anything else he'll probably fuck it all up. He wasn't good at communicating in the first place.

"Okay," Dean says, not looking up from the computer, "Do you want to watch The Avengers? It's been a while since I've seen it."

Cas glances at the screen. "Which Avengers? Please don't say Age of Ultron."

"What's wrong with Ultron? That movie involves an evil robot singing a creepy song from Pinocchio."

Cas sighs, feeling put upon, and rolls his eyes. "It's my least favorite Avengers movie. I never enjoyed watching it. But if you really want to we might as well just marathon them."

"Nah, there is no point marathoning them, I can already tell I'm going to fall asleep before too long. We'll put the first one on and go from there."

Cas shrugs. "Great." He curls up next to Dean, opening the laptop and pulling up Netflix.

Dean feels all the tension in his body slip away the second Cas curls up next to him. They aren't even properly touching yet, and Dean is already like putty just from being near Cas. He can already tell he's screwed. But now is not the time for thinking about that, now is the time for just reveling in the feeling, and worrying about it tomorrow.

Cas wraps an arm around Dean's shoulders tentatively, holding him close as he starts the movie. "If you need to sleep, sleep. I won't mind."

"Ok, I'll bear that in mind," Dean says, leaving against Cas and watching the opening credits begin to play. He feels so warm and cozy and safe and - despite feeling in hospital earlier that day - he feels happy. Happy to just lean against his soulmate for as long as he can allow himself it.

Cas's arm slid down around Dean's waist to hold him closer and his head rests on Dean's shoulder. He loves this feeling, this closeness, the affection he never got from his family.

Dean tries to watch the movie - he really does - but Cas' hand is warm on his waist and his hair soft against his neck. He can feel himself drifting closer to sleep with each exhale, but he doesn't stop himself. He is safe with Cas, he knows that.

About half an hour into the movie, Dean starts to snore quietly. Cas glances at him and never looks away. He's beautiful like this. He looks finally relaxed, something Cas has never seen him. He presses his lips to Dean's temple before he can stop himself.

Dean wakes up the next morning to find light streaming annoyingly onto his face, and the warmth of Cas' chest below his head. This feels so right that it scares Dean just a little. Because he knows he can't have this, not truly.

Cas curls into his side, Dean's head shifting to his shoulder. "Five more minutes?"

"Don't we have class?" Dean asks, still not moving.

"Who gives a shit," Cas replies, also not moving.

"I'm going to guess our grades, and also probably my dads and your bank account."

Cas sighs. "We can skip one class." _If it means I get to be close to you again._

"Yeah, but you're going to regret this tomorrow if I let you skip, so come on. Up and at it, time for class," Dean says, still not moving from his cozy position.

"I won't regret a damn thing." Cas knew it was true. Being near Dean was worth anything. He knew he loved him more than anything.

"Hmmmm," Dean murmurs. He knows that he will never regret staying with Cas for longer, but he also knows if he stays here much longer he's going to kiss Cas, and he can't do that. "Come on then," he says, actually getting up this time and going looking for some clean clothes.

Cas sighs sadly and doesn't move for a moment. He keeps laying on Dean's bed, inhaling the smell of him for a moment before he stands up and starts to get himself some clothes as well.

Dean takes his clothes into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and saying, "I'll be three minutes, you better be dressed by the time I'm out."

Cas nods. Part of him wishes Dean would see him changing - he wonders what kind of reactions it would elicit.

Dean finishes brushing he teeth, rinsing his mouth out before turning to the door, "you better be decent out there Cas, in coming out," he calls, slowly turning the door handle.

"I am... 'decent'," Cas says, trying to refrain from doing the air quotes. Dean always ridicules him for them.

"Ok," Dean says, pushing the door open and walking in. He dumps the clothes he just changed out of onto his bed and tries to avoid giving Cas a once over. "Right then, let's go."

Cas nods and follows him.

"You wanna drive with me today?" Dean offers as he unlocks his car.

"Definitely," Cas replies.

"Ok, come on then, hop in," Dean says, waving a hand at the passenger side door and opening his own door.

Cas pulls open his own door, smiling at Dean as he slides into the seat.

Dean turned the key, listening to his baby purr for a minute before pulling out of the drive.

Cas watches him drive with this feeling of near-euphoria just from being this close to the object of his affections. Dean puts on Led Zeppelin and Cas pays close attention to the lyrics. He even knows a couple of Dean's favorite songs from driving with him so often.

All too soon, Dean pulls into the college parking lot and they have to get out. Dean doesn't have any lectures with Cas, so he won't see him until the end of the day. It should not hurt as much as it does. "I'll see you later," he says, climbing out slowly.

Cas nods, then before he can lose his courage, pulls Dean against him and hugs him tightly.

Dean relaxes into the hug for a moment, wishing that he could just stay there for the whole day. He sighs, pulling away regretfully and saying, "bye," before starting to walk to his fist lecture.

Cas bites his lip and nods. "Bye Dean. See you later."

The day crawls by. Dean spends every single lesson wishing he was back at Cas' side, curled up watching a movie together.

Finally they reach the end of his final class and Cas sighs with relief, packing up his bags and sprinting back to the Impala.

Dean walks as quickly as he can back to his baby, desperate to be back with Cas and hating that he feels this way. How is it possible that falling in love with - and finding out you're soulmates with - your friend could change so much.

Cas saw Dean on his way and picked up the pace, running to meet him. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Dean replies, wincing slightly at the desperation in his voice.

"Want to go back to the dorm and... hang out?" Cas asks timidly.

"Yeah that would be great."

Cas smiles and slides into the car. "Away we go, I guess."

Dean smiles, "let's go," he agrees, driving back to their apartment with the music on loud and a huge smile on his face.

Cas smiles back as he watches Dean drive. "Today went by slowly," he comments. "It felt like a hundred years."

"Yes! It felt like that for me too," Dean says with a tired groan, "I though it would never end."

Cas laughs. "I'm just glad we're going home."

"Yeah," Dean agrees before laughing, "I always find that weird you know, that we can count a college apartment as home. You spend a couple of weeks in a place, and suddenly it's just as much a home as a place you've spent years in." He laughs again before saying, "sorry that was really random."

Cas shakes his head. "It's okay, I understand exactly what you're saying." _But that's not why it's my home._

"There we go, everyone understands. Humans are just wacky aren't they."

"Yeah," Cas agrees. "I'll never get them."

Dean laughs loudly, unable to hold it on after Cas' deadpan delivery, "me neither. Honestly I wonder why we haven't just given up on understanding them by now."

"I sort of have. But somehow I always understand you." Cas smiles softly at Dean.

Dean smiles back, "that's just as well, seeing as we live together and I'm so repressed no one else ever can," he laughs self-deprecatingly as he speaks, thinking of all the things he would say if he could.

"Seems like your brother understands you pretty well," Cas replies.

"Yeah but that's just because he's known me my entire life so knows my tells. If I sit on my hands or something, he would have no idea how I'm feeling."

Cas laughs. "Give him a little more credit. He can probably read at least some of your nonverbal cues that you don't even realize exist."

"Ok, I'll give him that," Dean agrees with a nod, "but you can still read me better than him."

Cas shrugs. "Well. Sometimes it's as if we're both autistic."

"Takes one to know one and all that? Maybe, it's not like I've ever been tested. Or maybe you are just better at reading me because the reason you can't read other people is something they are doing, which I don't do?"

Cas shrugged. "No idea. Either way, I'm glad you're my best friend."

"Yeah, I'm glad you're my best friend too," Dean says, ignoring how his heart reminds him that actually, he wants to be a little bit more than best friends.

Cas nodded. "Good thing I'm your best friend as well or that would be awkward."

Dean laughs, "luckily you don't have to worry about that, we are each others best friends and that's the end of that."

Cas nods as Dean pulls into a parking spot. "Yeah. Exactly."

Dean opens his door, climbing out and asking with a grin, "movie or something else?"

"Whatever you want," Cas replies. "Although we do seem to really enjoy watching movies together."

"Yeah, it's just fun isn't it," Dean says, even though he knows deep down the main reason he likes watching movies with Cas, is because they always end up sitting pressed up together to see the screen.

Cas nods. "Movie it is, then?"

"Yeah, come on then, we'll choose something off Netflix when we get there."

Cas grins and follows Dean. This is easy and uncomplicated, this rhythm he's fallen into with Dean. He can learn to settle for this because this is all it will ever be.

As soon as he gets into his room, Dean flops onto his bed, exhaustion settling into his bones from the long day. "Ughhhhhh," he says closing his eyes and thanking just about everything that he was finally back home.

"Yeah?" Cas asks amusedly.

"Yeah, I'm just glad we're back," Dean says, trying to gather up the energy needed to sit up and grab his laptop.

Cas curls into his side, just as he does every day, and laughs at Dean's utter reluctance to move.

"Stop laughing at me," Dean groans, reluctantly pushing him up onto his knees so he can reach across to grab the traitorous computer which wouldn't come to him.

Cas grins, nudging him slightly. When Dean gets to Netflix he starts randomly calling out titles of movies that catch his eye.

"Ughhhhh," Dean repeats, closing his eyes, "you choose something, I'm too tired."

"I don't care, it's not like I pay attention anyway."

"Really? What do you pay attention to then?" he asks, trying to figure out why Cas always joins him watching movies if not for the movies.

Cas pauses. "Did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah, did you not mean to?" Dean says, getting more and more confused.

"Not... really," Cas murmurs.

"Okay," Dean says slowly, "so what do you look at anyway?"

 _You,_ Cas thinks, and then because he's an idiot, he says it out loud.

"Me? Why are you watching me? Am I that annoying?" Dean jokes, even though the thought of that being true, hurts in a way nothing ever should.

"No," Cas says quickly. "It's just... you're so happy. It's cute."

"You think I'm cute?" Dean asks slowly, "when I'm watching movies?"

"Yeah," Cas replies quietly, feeling his face flush.

"So you pay attention to me instead of the movie?"

"Usually," Cas admits. "It's not like I don't watch, but you're more interesting."

"I'm- you know what, ok, should we just watch the movie and ignore this entire conversation?" Dean offers. The thought of Cas paying him attention is making him feel all fuzzy - he is so whipped - and he gets the feeling he should move on before he says something he's going to regret.

Cas pulls just slightly away from him. "I... yeah. Sure," he whispers, feeling subdued and spurned. _Dean doesn't love you_ , he reminds himself. _Dean will never love you. You're too broken for that._

"You ok?" Dean asks, noticing that Cas looks vaguely sad. Damn it. He was supposed to stop the conversation before Cas could get sad, but it looks like he was too late.

"I'm fine," Cas says, forcing the fake smile he learned from Dean onto his face. "Let's just watch the movie."

"Yeah ok," Dean says, clicking on the first movie which he sees which doesn't look bad, not even bothering to check the title.

Cas is a little to nervous to try scooting closer to Dean again, so they stay there with half an inch of space between them as the movie begins to play. It feels like a chasm, like a thousand miles, and Cas hates the fact that this is his own fault. He brought this on himself and he has to accept the consequences. Dean will never love him.

Dean picks at the blanket, thinking. He's tired and wants to go to sleep, and if he can't then he needs to pay attention to the movie. Instead, he's paying attention to the gap between him and Cas and feeling the void within him opening up even more the longer they spend not touching. He holds his breath for a moment, shifting ever so slightly so that he can feel Cas' warmth against his side.

Cas freezes when he feels Dean press against his side. After a moment, he leans against Dean, praying he won't be pushed off.

Dean feels the tension in his body release as Cas leans back against him. He doesn't say anything, but a smile creeps across his face.

Cas hesitantly rests his head on Dean's shoulder and allows Dean to start the movie.

Dean huffs a released breath out, trying to concentrate on the movie, even as he feels himself slipping into sleep, the comforting weight of Cas' head against his shoulder and the sounds of the movie willing him away.

Cas rubs his shoulder comfortingly, not minding that Dean falls asleep. He loves watching him. He wonders if Dean would think that was creepy. He probably would, but Cas doesn't really care.

_Dean looks around himself. He's back at home._

_No. Not home. He's back with John, and that was never home. John looks angry but Sam is nowhere in sight which at the very least allows Dean to relax slightly. John is walking towards him, his glare focused solely on Dean and before Dean can think it through, he's trying to escape, even though he knows it will only make it worse._

_"Dean," says John. "What did you do?" His voice is low and dangerous like he's going to kill Dean. Finally, today, he's actually going to kill Dean. Thank god Dean doesn't have to live like this anymore._

Cas looks up, startled from his gentle rest by Dean starting to toss and turn.

"Dean, are you okay?" he asks quietly, shaking him. "Dean?"

_John is right there, grabbing his arms and shaking him, yelling at him about how he had one fucking job, and he couldn't even do that right. John is right anyway, Dean failed and now he has the price to pay._

_"I'm going to kill you, boy! I'm going to fucking kill you!" John screams. "Dean! Dean! Dean!"_

_Dean stops for a second. That voice didn't sound like John. John never used Dean's name when he was screaming at him; he always called him 'boy'. And it didn't even sound like John. So who was it? And why could Dean hear them?_

"Dean!" Cas shouts, shoving his shoulder hard. "Wake up!"

Dean gasps, bolting upright in bed and instantly jumping away. He misjudges the distance in the dark, and ends up in a pile on the floor, but it's ok because he's safe now, John can't get to him now.

Cas bends down slowly, holding out a hand he doesn't expect Dean to take. "Are you alright?" he asks, Dean's only illumination in the dark the light from the screen.

Dean blinks a couple of times, trying to figure out what's going on. He's sitting on the floor, he appears to have fallen off the bed, and it isn't John who was waking him up, it is Cas. "Cas?" he mumbles, "what?"

"Are you okay?" Cas asks again, seriously concerned. "You were... thrashing and screaming. I think you were having a nightmare. What can I do for you right now? do you need anything?"

Dean frowns, the memory of the dream coming back to him now he is thinking about it, "yeah, nightmare," he explained, dragging a hand down his face, "don't worry about it, I get them all the time, sorry I woke you up."

"Didn't wake me up," Cas murmured. "I was just worried. What were you dreaming about, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Just, past memories, all that shit," Dean says with a wave of his hand, assuming Cas doesn't actually care and is just asking to be polite.

Cas makes to retract his hand. If Dean wants to sit on his ass on the floor, he can do that. "Your dad?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yeah," Dean says quietly, grabbing Cas' hand to pull himself up, only realizing at the last second that Cas is trying to retract his hand and he just made things awkward.

When Dean takes his hand Cas sighs in relief and pulls him onto the bed. "You want to tell me?"

"Do you really want to know?" Dean asks, shifting on his bed until he's comfortable. "Because if you're just asking to be polite and would actually rather go to sleep, we can go to sleep."

"I'm never 'asking to be polite', Dean," Cas told him. "I care about you. I want to know if you want to tell me."

"Alright," Dean says, leaning forwards and pressing his forehead against the bed, "I'll remember that for future reference," he breathes deeply another couple of times before saying, "my bio dad was - to put it lightly - an asshole. It just turned out that at times, he became a bit of a," he pauses, "asshole asshole," he finishes awkwardly.

Cas's brow furrows. "He was homophobic," he says slowly. It's not a question. For an autistic kid, he's pretty good at reading into Dean's subtext.

"Yeah, he was many things. Homophobic was one of them."

Cas inhaled shakily. "What did he do to you?"

Dean shrugs. "Nothing I didn't deserve," he says simply, picking at a loose thread on his sleeve.

"Lies," Cas said. "If he was abusive, which it sounds like he was, you deserved better."

Dean scoffs. "You weren't there, I was."

"But I know you," Cas says quietly. "And you're better than that."

Dean grins wryly, rolling his eyes. "Agree to disagree," he says, too tired to argue.

Cas opens his arms for Dean to crawl into if he so desires. "You can tell me anything," he promises.

Dean thinks about it for a moment, before crawling forwards and into Cas' open arms. His nightmare was even worse than normal, and he needs the reassurance of his soulmate, even if he has to be sneaky about it. "I'll try to remember that."

Cas hugs him back contentedly, loving the feeling of Dean slumping against him. "You can go back to sleep if you want. Or we can keep talking."

"Unless there is anything else you desperately want to know, can we just go to sleep now?" Dean asks, enjoying how safe he is feeling, with Cas' arms around him.

"Nothing specific," Cas mumbles. "Go back to sleep, Dean. I'll fight off the nightmares if they come for you." He smiles a soft, fond smile at Dean.

"Thanks," Dean replies, closing his eyes and relaxing even more against Cas.

Cas gently strokes his hair, soothing him into sleep. When Dean's breathing evens out, he brushes his lips across Dean's temple and curls around him, quickly falling asleep himself.

When Dean wakes the next morning, he's alone in his bed. For a moment, he believes that his memories of last night were just a dream, but the other side of his bed is still slightly warm, and he knows they were real. He can feel it.

Cas emerges from the bathroom and notices that Dean's awake. "Good morning," he says happily. "How did you sleep?"

"Good thanks," Dean says without even thinking about whether it is true or not.

Cas feels a huge smile split across his face. "I did it!"

"Did what?" Dean asks, his memory of last night hazy. He has a feeling that that's what Cas is talking about, something which happened last night, but he can't figure out what.

"I got you to sleep well," Cas says, feeling victorious. "I did it."

"Oh," Dean says, thinking about it, "yeah, I guess you did. Thanks for that."

Cas sat down next to him. "You're welcome. You can sleep more if necessary, it's the weekend."

"Are you sticking around?" Dean asks, "or are you heading out somewhere?"

"I was going to meet up with Gabriel but I can cancel," Cas offers.

"No it's fine, don't cancel on my account," Dean says, "I'll be fine, you go meet with your brother."

"Do you want to come?" Cas invites. "I think he's bringing Sam."

Dean thinks for a moment. He isn't that tired and he does kind of just want to get out the house. "Yeah, sure," he says. "Just give me some time to get ready and I'll be there."

Cas smiles. "I'll be waiting," he promises.

"Ok great," Dean says jumping out of bed, grabbing some clean clothes and walking to the bathroom, "I'll be four minutes."

Cas sits down on Dean's bed, inhaling the musky, motor-oil smell of his area. "That's fine," he hums distractedly.

Four and a half minutes later Dean emerges from the bathroom with clean clothes and clean teeth, "alright, let's go," he says, grabbing his shoes.

Cas smiles and stands up, following him to the door.

"Where are we meeting him?" Dean asks as he walks into the hallway.

"He said..." Cas glances down at the text. "In 'N' Out. At _8 am_? Who has burgers for breakfast?"

"What time is it now?" Dean asks, not bothering to check the time on his own.

"7:50," Cas replied.

"Ok, do you want me to drive?"

"If you want."

"Ok great," Dean says, heading to his car, spinning the keys around, "alright, hop in," he calls to Cas, climbing into the driver's seat.

Cas rolls his eyes at the goofy way Dean grins at him and slides into the car, hiding his smile.

Dean turns the music up loud and drives towards In 'N' Out, tapping on the steering wheel in time with the music and singing along.

Cas watches him rocking out to Journey and purses his lips to keep from grinning and singing along. Sometimes he thinks it doesn't make any sense for them to be soulmates, and moments like these he realizes that it makes the most sense in the world. _But you're not,_ he reminds himself. _He's yours. You are not his._

Dean pulls into the parking lot of In 'N' out, smiling as he turns baby's engine off, the clock says they are a couple of minutes early, and Dean funds his thoughts drifting to how nice it would be to just sit here with Cas - with his soulmate - and wait for Gabe to arrive, just enjoying each others company and listening to music. If only there was a future for them.

Cas clears his throat and opens his door. "Should we go inside to wait for them?"

"Yeah," Dean agrees, trying to shake his wishful fancies out of his head, "let's go."

Cas can't quite make eye contact with Dean as they make their way into the restaurant. (If an In 'N' Out can be called a restaurant)

Sam and Gabriel are already sitting at a table waiting for them.

"Hello," Dean calls, walking over and sliding into the free booth opposite his brother.

"Hey, Dean," Sam called. "Didn't realize you were comin' but I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, I didn't realize I was coming either," Dean laughs, "I just ended up turning up."

"He can't resist me," Cas joked.

"If course he can't," Gabe laughs. "Who would be able to resist those baby blues?"

Dean flushes, trying to think of something to say, but the only thing that pops into his head is "your eyes _are_ very blue."

Cas blushes, looking down at his lap and trying not to let his thoughts run away from him, "thanks," he says simply.

Dean stares at the surface of the table, trying to avoid looking at anyone else. "You two are idiots," Sam announces after a beat.

"Yeah, they really are," Gabe agrees, frowning at their brothers, "are you two going to sort yourselves out?"

Dean looks up. "Why are we idiots?"

Sam laughs. "You're idiots for falling in love with each other when you both have other soulmates."

Gabe nodded, "and also for apparently trying to ignore both of the aforementioned facts." Dean glared even harder down at the table, absentmindedly scratching at his inner arm. Maybe he was an idiot for falling in love with Cas, but the soulmate thing wasn't the problem here. Not that he could just say that because that would mean spilling that Cas was his soulmate. And that was not going to happen.

"Dean's not in love with me," Cas said.

Dean doesn't look up from the table, but still nods his head. If he wants to keep this a secret, then he has to keep it convincing, even if just agreeing to not loving Cas rips at his insides.

Cas swallows hard and says "and... I don't love Dean. Either." The lie tears him in half but he has to say it.

Dean gestures at Cas, "you see, you two have clearly gotten the wrong end of the stick here."

Gabe glances over at Sam, sharing a look with him, "do you believe them?" he asks.

"Cas is obviously lying about the last part and look at Dean's dumb face, he's totally in love. Not at all," Sam replies.

"There we go," Gabe nods, even as Dean shakes his head.

"Oh no, I do not love Cas. Clearly you've lost your skill of reading me haven't you," he says, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Liar," Sam mutters. "But whatever. That's not why we're here."

"Why are we here?" Dean asks, looking between Sam and Gabe.

Gabriel clears his throat. "Because I'm in love with your brother and your brother is my soulmate."

"You two are soulmates?" Cas asks delightedly, while Dean just sat there looking shocked.

Sam's face breaks out into a wide smile. "Yeah, we are!" He turns his grin on Dean, who still looks shocked and almost angry. His smile falters. "What's up, dude?"

Dean isn't an idiot. There is only one case in history of two pairs of soulmates that were also sets of siblings. There's no way he's Cas's soulmate if Sam is Gabe's. He shakes his head.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

Sam's expression turns angry as he stands up. "Then why can't you be happy for me for once in your miserable life?"

Gabe looks between the two brothers slowly, grabbing into his soulmates hand, "babe, it's ok. He probably just needs a minute to get used to it."

"I don't think he cares," Sam mutters, falling back into his seat. "He's a selfish motherfucker and I should have seen this coming."

"Selfish," Dean echoes back helplessly, feeling his world crumbling around him. Cas isn't his soulmate - despite Cas being his - and now this? Everything he's done for Sam in all his 'miserable' life and he's still selfish? He tries his best to put everyone else first, he thought he was managing, but apparently not. Apparently, no matter how hard he tries, he can't change anything. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.

And yet, Sam manages it. Sam manages to be nothing like their biological father. It's just Dean. He really never will be anything other than dad's good little soldier.

Sam's mouth falls slightly open as he realizes what he just said. Sam's entire life, all Dean's ever done was try to take care of him, give him everything he wanted. All Sam's ever done was take advantage of him and how much he cared. Dean didn't talk to Crowley for almost three months after he and Bobby adopted them, and Sam never even thought to ask him why. He is a terrible brother. "Fuck," he whispers. "Dean, I didn't-"

"Save it," Dean snaps, standing. "At least now I know what you really think of me. Have fun at Thanksgiving, Sammy, and give Dad and Pops my regards." He slides out of the booth and walks away. Cas stares after him.

"Go," Sam mutters. As Cas makes to stand, Sam grabs his arm. "But for the record?" Cas glances at him. "He _does_ love you back. He's just shit at showing it."

Cas nods, not having time to argue while he needs to go chasing after Dean. Dean sighs, climbing into his baby and slamming his head back against the head rest. _Stupid stupid stupid._ He can't even leave because he's Cas' lift, but he couldn't stay in there. He couldn't stay and hear how little he means to Sam, even after all this time.

Cas knocks gently on the window and recoils slightly when Dean's head whips up. "Can you unlock it?" he asks timidly through the door.

"Yeah, sorry," Dean muttered, unlocking the door and leaning back against the head rest, closing his eyes so he won't have to look Cas in the eyes.

Cas opens the door and sits down in the passenger seat, unable to refrain from admiring Dean's profile while he isn't watching. "Are you okay?"

Dean scoffs instead of answering, glancing over at Cas for just a moment. Their eyes meet and the second blue meets green, Dean tares his eyes away.

Cas sighs quietly, looking down. "I'm here for you to talk to," he reminds his friend. "Or yell at. Whatever you need. But Sam's wrong. You're not selfish. And he didn't even really mean it, he's just..."

He trails off, trying to figure out how to say what he wants to say. "You're his older brother," he finally says. "You're his _hero_. And in his life he's been through so much pain from the outside world and you were the one person who was always supposed to be there for him. He just wants you to be proud of him. So when something good happens to him, he just wants you to be as excited as he is because _finally_ things are going right for him, Michael! Why can't you just fucking accept that? He doesn't need a dictator, he needs a friend and a brother. That was your job."

"Did you just call me Michael?" Dean asks, distracted from Cas' message by the simple name. He is fairly sure he's never been a dictator to Sam, which is suggesting to Dean that there is something there which is more about Cas than Sam. He really hopes that it isn't the case. He may not be a younger brother like Sam and Cas are, but he has had a fucking awful life, and he couldn't help but hope that Cas would've had a good life. How cruel could the universe be, to give not only Dean a horrible life, but also anyone who he cares about?

Cas glances at him, swallowing hard. "I- did I?" He thinks back through what he just said. "Yes, I did."

"Why?"

Cas swallows hard again. "Um. My oldest brother Michael took over when our father died. He treats us like garbage. He's beaten me more than a few times. And I idolized him my whole life, and he's never cared. He has control of my father's entire inheritance - well over a million dollars - and refuses to share a dime with me to pay for college because he thinks my field isn't worth pursuing."

Dean looks over at Cas in shock, clenching and unclenching his hands a couple of times before he can answer. "Have I mentioned before that I really want to murder your family? Because I amend that to I really want to murder Michael." He continues to clench his hands, digging his nails into his palm in the hope it would reduce his urge to murder, before he suddenly freezes. "But why did that make you call me Michael?" he asks slowly, the words feeling like they are sticking to the roof of his mouth. He would never beat Sam, never refuse to pay for his college tuition or treat him like garbage.

"Because I relate to your brother," Cas said quietly. "And I know you're a better brother than mine, but those are all things I will never have the courage to say to Michael, so I said them to you. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologise for," Dean says easily, "you're probably right anyway."

"Right about what?"

"Everything you said," Dean says with a wave of his hand, letting his eyes slip closed.

Cas scoffs. He will not stand for this blatant disregard of Dean’s for his own merits. He takes a deep breath and grabs Dean by the front of his shirt, pulling him in and kissing him deeply.

Dean gasps, his brain jumping into overdrive as it tries to figure out whether he should kiss back or pull away. On one hand, this is Cas. This is his soulmate. On the other hand, he isn't Cas' soulmate. Cas has some lucky guy out there, just waiting for Cas to turn up.

Finally, Cas pulls away, carefully not touching or looking at Dean.

"Cas?" Dean asks hesitantly, the name just spilling from his lips. The same lips Cas had just been kissing.

Cas glances at those lips and he can't tear his eyes away. "What?" he whispers shakily.

"You kissed me."

"I did," Cas croaks. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Why did I kiss you or why am I sorry?"

"Both?"

"I kissed you because I couldn't listen to you bad-mouth yourself anymore and I'm sorry because I didn't think you cared."

Dean doesn't know what to say, so for a moment, he just doesn't say anything. He blinks and thinks and stares and blinks. "I- I" he tries, cursing himself when he can't force the words out, "you kissed me because of what I was saying about myself?"

"Not... entirely but that was part of it, yes."

"I know I sound like a broken record, but why? Why do you care?"

"Because you're my soulmate and I'm in love with you," Cas exclaims.

Dean goes back to his blinking. His mind appears to have turned off and talking is definitely out of the question. _What?_ is running through his brain at a mile a minute and he honestly feels like he needs to reboot to try and figure out what Cas even means.

"I have to go," Cas mutters, opening the door and stepping outside into the sunlight again.

Dean doesn't know when he decides to move, but one moment he's sitting shock still in his seat, the next he is bouncing out the car and reaching out for Cas. "Wait," he manages to force out around the lump in his throat.

Cas pauses and looks down at him. "Yeah?" he asks quietly.

"Don't go," Dean says, his mind still reeling as it tried to come up with the answer he needed, "you're my soulmate?"

"No I'm not," Cas whispered. "But you're mine. You have some other lucky girl out there just waiting for you. That's why I never said anything."

Dean blinks, still catching his brain up to the real world. He is still not 100% sure that this whole thing isn't some kind of fantasy his brain made up to get him over the fact everyone hates him. "My words are on your arm?" he double checks, "And you never said anything? Because you think I have some girl out there who also has my words?" he thinks that covers everything, before he realizes something else. "And you love me?"

"Yes," Cas says. His voice is incredibly strained. "And yes. And... well, yes. And of course I do, Dean, who wouldn't?"

"Literally everyone," Dean mutters under his breath. He can hear the strain in Cas' voice, and he knows he should stop, but he needs to know. "Why do you love me?" he asks, his brain happily pointing out it's probably the same reason as anyone else pretends to like him, he has a pretty face and isn't hard to leave when you get bored.

Cas shakes his head. "I can't, Dean. I can't talk about this with you when I know you are never going to feel this way about me."

Dean takes a shaky breath and says, "The first time John Winchester, my biological father, ever hit me I musta been... 11 or 12. He came home wasted off his ass to find me suckin' face with my friend Steve in the backseat of, wait for it, _this car_." He points downward with his free hand. Cas slowly sits back down, not wanting to interrupt. "He chased the kid off o' course, and then he drag me inside by the ear and whipped me bloody with a belt." Dean shrugs. "After that he liked to hit me every day, like he was scared I’d turn gay or somethin' if he didn't. I have scars all over my back and thighs. That's why I never change in front of people." Dean's voice breaks as he continues. "Three and a half years ago our uncle Bobby married Crowley and then they adopted Sammy 'n' me. I didn't know Crowley. Barely talked to him. Barely talked at all really." He laughs bitterly. "I kept thinking Crowley was gonna be like my dad. He'd figure out how messed up I was and hurt me like my dad did. He actually just wanted my approval. He and Bobby have been taking care of us for a few years now but I keep thinking I'm gonna fuck it all up. Not to mention I never go after guys anymore because some small part of my brain thinks that if I fall in love with a guy my dad's gonna burst through the door and kill him. And my happiness."

"I'll protect you," Cas swears. "If he shows up I'll blow his brains onto our wall."

Dean actually laughs, sounding surprised. "I've never told anybody that. Not even Sam."

"Well now you've told me," Cas points out. "And I want to help you, Dean."

Dean swallows hard. "Cas, I- I'm in love with you." He pulls up his sleeve and shows Cas the words etched into his arm.

 _I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition_ , Cas reads. "I said that to you. In the hospital." Dean nods. Cas rolls up his own sleeve. "You'd rather have me," he reminds his friend. "Cursed or not."

"Of course I'd rather have you," Dean says with a weak smile, "I just hope you are okay with waiting for me. I will try my best, but I'm not going to suddenly be able to deal with," the pauses for a moment, trying to find the correct word, before settling on gesturing between the two of them and saying, "this. I'm still going to struggle. And I'm sorry and I love you, just remember that."

"I struggle every day," Cas mutters. "You know that. You help me with it. I'd be a shitty friend if I couldn't do the same."

"We will help each other," Dean agrees, looking down at his shoes and mumbling, "and I wouldn't be opposed to waking up next to you in the mornings."

"Let's go inside," Cas suggests. "We don't have class today, so let's just stay in our dorm."

"Alright," Dean agrees, unsure where this change of topic came from, but willing to roll with it. "Are we going to say bye to our brothers, or are we just going to head off?"

"We can text them," Cas says quietly. "But we have a far more important conversation to have just now."

"Alright," Dean agrees, trying to ignore the fear already bubbling up.

Cas scoffs and turns away, walking upstairs. Dean will follow or not. One way or another Cas will know where they stand with each other.

Dean pauses for just a moment before following Cas upstairs, sitting down on the sofa with his hands between his legs as soon as he's up there.

Cas runs his hands through his hair. "I don't get you," he finally says.

Dean looked up in confusion, "what do you mean?"

"I don't understand- I don't understand you." Cas laughs bitterly. "I want to be close to you but you won't allow that. So what do I do, Dean?"

Dean opens his mouth to answer, but finds the words stuck on his tongue. He doesn't have words to answer that question, so he doesn't. He leans forwards, catching Cas' lips in a gentle kiss. Hoping that it will convey all the he needs to say.

Cas's breath hitches for a moment in surprise, and then he's kissing back, pushing Dean onto the bed they've slept in together so many times. The kiss goes from 1 to 100 in .8 seconds flat and before Cas even fully comprehends what's going on, Dean's shirt is halfway off and Dean's not even trying to stop him.

"Cas," Dean mutters breathlessly, looking up into the bright blue eyes of his soulmate, pushing at Cas' shirt to try and get him to take off.

Cas gets Dean's off and pulls back to remove his own, then pauses. "Dean," he whispers. "You have- you have tats."

"Oh," Dean says following Cas' eye line, "yeah, you've never seen them before have you."

"You never change in front of people," Cas reminds him, tracing the pentagram inked into his left pec. "That's cool."

"Thanks, Sam has a matching one," he says with a small smile, "we got them a couple of years ago."

"Yeah?"

Dean nods. "Yeah, Sammy's sixteenth birthday. Bobby and Crowley took us to get them together. His, if you look real close, has the date inked on it."

Cas grins. "That's awesome."

"Yeah, all of my tats have stories behind them. Maybe I'll tell you the stories one day."

Cas slows. "That would be wonderful," he breathes. He points at one on Dean's shoulder. It's some sort of dragon or something, twisting around the base of his neck with the letters SJW on it. Slightly smaller, underneath, it says DMW.

"Sam and my initials, the dragon represents bravery," Dean explains, "I got that one a couple of months after leaving out bio-dad's. I'd been drawing it on paper for a while, and I decided I wanted it on my skin."

"Never told me you were an artist," Cas breathes. "Why don't I know anything about you?" He kisses Dean again.

"You've never asked," Dean mumbles against Cas' lips, "and I'm not an artist. I just draw shit from time to time."

"Okay," Cas breathes, suddenly getting caught up in the kiss again. "Maybe talk later?" he suggests.

"That might be a good idea," Dean hums, pressing even closer to Cas.

Cas nods and kisses him hard, hands moving down Dean's body to his waist. "Just a warning, never done this before," he breathes. "So be prepared for inexperience."

Dean pauses for a second, "how can someone as hot as you be a virgin?" he asks incredulously, "I would expect everyone on this planet to be trying to jump your bones."

"Two reasons," Cas tells him. "Asexual and autistic."

Dean frowned, "are you saying that asexuals wouldn't want to jump your bones? Or are you saying that you personally are asexual?"

"I'm ace," Cas says. "I told you that the day we met."

"Oh yeah," Dean says slowly, "Sorry, I must have forgotten. Does that mean you don't actually want to do this? Because if you don't then we'll stop."

"I do," Cas breathes. "I'm ace, but not repulsed. And I want to do this with you."

"Alright," Dean says, "let's do this then."

~~~

Cas wakes up before Dean and nearly falls out of the bed. "What did I do?" he whispers.

Dean wakes slowly. He hears Cas say something and the words register in his mind before he's even opened his eyes. Cas regrets it. He must do. Dean lays there, keeping his breathing even and his eyes closed as though if he keeps pretending to be asleep, he'll wake up and this will have never happened. Cas wouldn't regret what they did.

Cas slowly slides out of Dean's bed and into his own. "Fuck," he tells himself. "Fuck me."

Dean tries his best not to react to the loss of warmth when Cas slips away, but he's not sure he manages. He's not sure what he did to make Cas regret this so much, but whatever he did, he wishes he could go back in time and stop it.

Cas takes a deep breath. Dean doesn't really want this, does he? Not with Cas.

"Cas," Dean mutters quietly, breaking the silence. He has given up on trying to get back to sleep - or hoping the ground would swallow him up - and all he can do now is hope that Cas will let him down gently.

"Dean, it doesn't matter," Cas says. He hates this, the knowledge of what he's about to say. "It's not important. I'm sorry." He stands up and starts to dress. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Dean asks, and he hates himself a little bit more. He couldn't just take it and go, he decided he needs to know why, and now he's going to be forced to hear his soulmate say all the reasons he is inadequate.

"I'm sorry I made a mistake," Cas tells him. "That's all this was, right? A mistake? It isn't fair, and I'll- go, now."

"A mistake," Dean echoes helplessly. He knew that was what Cas was going to say, but hearing him actually say it is suddenly so, so much worse. "You don't have to go," he says, desperate to keep his soulmate nearby, even if he clearly couldn't have him all the way.

"Why do you still want me here?"

"Why would I want you to go?"

"Cause I fucked up."

Dean slowly sits up, not taking his eyes off Cas, as though he thinks that if he does Cas will just vanish. "In what way?" he asks, hating that he actually has no idea what on earth Cas could have done.

"I slept with you," Cas says, his voice breaking. He pauses. "No, I- I'm just gonna go."

"I'm sorry," Dean says, laying back down, staring at the ceiling and trying to will the tears prickling at his eyes away.

Cas sighs and closes the door softly behind himself. "I love you, Dean," he whispers to it.

Dean gives up on blinking his tears back as soon as the door clicks shut. He flips over so he can bury his head in the pillow, and just cries. He finally thought he found someone who cared about him, someone who could even love him, and he messed it up. He still doesn't know what he did, but he hates himself for it. He ruins everything, apparently a soulmate is just another one to add to the list.

Cas spends the day pretending to buy things from a variety of stores and coffee shops and when he returns, Dean is still at their room. "Hi," he says timidly.

"Hey," Dean says, not looking up from his phone. He knows that his eyes are probably still a little bit raw, and there is no point letting Cas know about that.

Cas nods. He shouldn't have expected anything else. It was fine. They didn't have to talk about it, and they could still be friends.

"You ok?" Dean asks. He knows that it's probably a dangerous conversation to get started, but Cas seems so sad, and he can't just ignore him.

Cas glances up. "I- yeah. I'm fine, Dean." Dean looks like he wants to say something else, but Cas's phone rings. He answers. "Gabriel?"

Dean can tell that Cas is lying, but before he can call bullshit, Gabe calls. He isn't sure what Gabe is saying, but he hopes that it gets Cas out of the room, and doesn't involve Dean coming as well. He hadn't realized until Cas returned, but he is a mess and could probably do with some time to get himself over it.

"He _what_?" Cas demands. "He- but- _why_?"

Dean frowns, getting more and more concerned at what Gabe is talking about. Something is going on, and he really hopes Cas passes on the information, because if he doesn't find out his is not going to be pleased. He doesn't interrupt, planning to wait unto Cas is finished with the phone call to ask what's happening.

"Holy. Fuck," Cas says when he hangs up. He sits down on his bed, looking stunned. "Holy fuck."

"What happened?" Dean asks, his voice cracks slightly but he hopes Cas is too distracted to notice.

Cas looks up at him. "I just received a quarter million dollars."

"What?" Dean says, unsure what Cas is on about.

"My oldest brother Michael? The douchebag? He just gifted Gabriel half a million dollars, half of which Gabriel is giving to me."

"Really? That's great!" Dean says, genuinely happy for his friend.

Cas nods numbly. "I know. I'm here on scholarship so now I actually have the money to pay my tuition. And then some." He laughs, glancing up at Dean.

"I'm glad to hear that," Dean says with a smile, "thank goodness you have one family member who doesn't need murdering."

"Yes. Gabriel." Cas smiles at his friend. "Money does not make up for psychological abuse. You still have my permission to murder Michael if you so choose."

"Oh yeah, don't worry. I was definitely talking about Gabriel. Michael didn't even mean to give that money to you. I was planning to murder him slowly and painfully and that has not changed."

Cas smiles widely at Dean. "You're my favorite person in the world," he decides. He hesitates. "Oh... Dean?"

"Yeah," Dean says, unsure where this is going. Cas did just say he is his favorite person in the world, but Dean clearly messed something up that morning, so Dean has no idea where they stand.

"You remember yesterday when you left your phone in here?"

"Yeah," Dean repeats slowly. He remembers that, he just doesn't know why it is important.

Cas nods. "You got a call. I don't know what it was, something about Baby. Check your voicemail."

"Okay," Dean says, picking up his phone. That was not where he expected this to be going, but then again what had he expected? Cas to say it was a mistake and he actually did like him? Yeah right, Cas liking him was the mistake there. He grabbed his phone, opening the voicemails and seeing that Cas was right, one unopened voice mail.

Cas fidgets nervously. "Would you prefer I leave the room? I know your car is very important to you."

"I don't mind, I'm not even sure what it's going to say," Dean sighs, pressing the read voicemail button and pressing the phone to his ear.

Cas watches Dean's face change and assumes it can't be anything good. He waits for Dean to tell him if he wants to.

Dean basically drops his phone onto his bed, too shocked to put it down gently. "Oh no," he whispers, tears starting to pool in his eyes.

"Dean?" Cas asks, alarmed, lunging forward. "Dean, what happened?"

"I- I need to call my dads," Dean says, in lieu of an answer. He fumbles with his phone, picking it up on his second attempt and quickly dials Bobby's number.

"Bobby Singer," he answers. "What can I do ya for, Dean?"

"Dad," Dean gasps, "It's Baby, I got a voicemail."

"What about her?" Bobby demands. "What's wrong, boy?"

"The voicemail said that she hasn't been fully paid off. They're trying to take her."

"You- what?"

Dean roughly wipes at his face, trying to get rid of the tears running down his face, "If I can't do one more car payment they are going to take her away," he says, his voice trembling in distress, "I can't afford it, but I can't lose my Baby."

"Dean," Cas says from across the room. "Hang up the phone."

"What?" Dean asks, "no, I- I need to sort this out."

"We'll figure it out," Bobby says gruffly. "Let me talk to your Pops."

"Dean, please," Cas begs.

"Yeah, I'll call you back Dad," Dean says, waiting until Bobby has said bye to hang up. "What's up?" he asks tiredly, shifting to face Cas.

"I will pay for your car," Cas says immediately.

"What?" Dean asks with a sniff, trying to figure out what Cas is saying.

"I have two hundred fifty thousand dollars. I'll pay for your Baby. I know what she means to you."

"Really?" Dean asks in shock, "but why? Why would you do that for me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Cas says, shrugging. "You're my best friend and roommate." _And I love you._

"I just - I don't know, I thought you hated me."

"Why in God's name would I hate you?" Castiel does not invoke the name of the Lord lightly.

"You just seemed to. You were ignoring me and so I thought- nevermind. It doesn't matter."

"After all we've been through, everything that's happened, I couldn't hate you if I tried."

"I'm not sure I can believe that," Dean says quietly, "everyone can hate me.”

"No," Cas says, equally softly. "I can't. I never have and I never will."

"Really? Then why did you leave this morning? Why was I a mistake?"

"That's not- even if I try to explain will you really listen to me?"

"Probably not," Dean says with a shrug, "in pretty stubborn."

"Then I guess I won't try," Cas replies. "Not until I find a way you'll be willing to hear."

Dean looks over at Cas, "alright," he says slowly, "glad to hear that?"

Cas smiles. "Good. Now who do I have to pay to allow you to keep your car?"

"I don't exactly know their name," Dean scoffs, tossing his phone, "that's their number. You can figure out the rest."

Cas hesitantly rests a hand on his shoulder. "I know I fucked this up," he says quietly. "But I want to try and be friends with you."

"You haven't done anything," Dean says gently, leaning backwards and closing his eyes.

Cas nods. "Okay, if you say so, Dean." He picks up the phone and calls the number Dean pulled up.

Dean leaves his eyes closed, content to just listen to the quiet sounds around him, and the sound of Cas saving his Baby. If he wasn't already well and truly in love, he seriously would be by now.

Cas finishes his phone call, rubbing his eyes, and tosses Dean's phone back on his bed. "You're fine, now. The money's coming straight out of my account, your car won't be affected at all."

"Thank you Cas," Dean breaths, "You don't know how much that means to me."

Cas slowly turns back to look at him, wondering if he will be able to somehow miraculously muster the self-restraint not to kiss Dean. "I would do anything for you, Dean," he says honestly.

"Really? Because surely you understand why I'm having trouble believing that."

Cas sighed. "Well have you considered that I don't exactly have reason to believe you care about me, either?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asks slowly, "I literally showed you my scars and my tattoos."

"I paid off your car, your most prized possession in the world," Cas counters.

"Yeah, as a friend," Dean points out, "you said so yourself."

"How would you describe showing me your tattoos?"

"Well seeing as we were kissing at the time, I would expect that to clear it up," Dean says, his voice slightly hostile. He doesn't know what Cas saw that as, and he's starting to think he vastly misunderstood this entire situation.

"But why would you-" Cas groans in frustration. He doesn't understand Dean and Dean doesn't understand him and his neurodivergence is making everything that much worse. " _Why,_ Dean?" is all he can say.

"Why what?" Dean asks, already extremely confused and getting more and more confused by the second, "Why did I show you them?"

"No- I- why would you- why are we even having this conversation?" Cas sits down on his bed, hunched over, feeling defeated. "I can't communicate to you what I want and you can't seem to communicate with me either."

Dean frowns, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him and something inside of him screaming that he has to put it back to right. He slowly stands up and shuffles over until he's standing right in front of Cas' hunched over form. He drops to the ground, so his head is level with Cas' and says as gently as he can, "take your time, just try to say what you want to say, you have as long as you need," he tries his best to suppress the urge to lean his head against either Cas' head or his knee, instead just sitting there and waiting patiently.

Cas takes a deep breath. "I can't say what I want to say, Dean, because I will ruin everything that matters to me. I can't _say_ it. I suppose... Dean, I'm in love with you," he says finally. "I already told you that."

"Yes you did, and I said it back," Dean points out, "what else could you possibly have to say, more earth shattering than that, which will ruin everything that matters?"

Cas shakes his head. He doesn't know how to explain that this is the biggest, hardest, scariest thing he's ever done. He doesn't think that he can. So he does the only thing that makes sense. He kisses Dean again.

Dean almost falls backwards when Cas kisses him, but he just about manages to catch himself before he ends up with his head well acquainted with the floor. He leans into the kiss, sighing happily and not even bothering to think about how sudden that topic change had been.

Cas doesn't let go of Dean for a long time, because if he does then he has to face that second huge fuckup. His hands find Dean's lower back and his eyes fall blissfully shut. He relishes in every last second before the explosion he knows is coming. He just waits for it with bated breath, wondering when it will happen.

"Cas?" Dean asks quietly, pulling away from Cas just far enough that they can talk, but not far enough that they have to stop touching. He's confused, very extremely confused. One moment Cas loves him, then Dean is just a mistake and now he loves him again?

"Shut up," Cas whispers, kissing him again.

Dean hums in agreement against Cas' lips, quite happy to just shut up and worry later. Because he will, later in he will be questioning everything, but for now he can just enjoy kissing Cas and live in the present.

Cas holds him close, desperate not to let go, not to lose him. "Dean," he breathes against his friend's mouth.

"That's me," Dean whispers with a smirk. Cas has a tight grip on his arm, possibly a bit too tight, but he doesn't care. He wants to be as close to Cas as Cas wants him.

"Shut _up_ ," Cas repeats, pulling Dean all the way up onto his bed. "Just- stop talking. I don't have the brainpower to listen to you talk."

Dean hums an affirmative answer, kissing Cas with everything he has.

Cas nods, shoving Dean down underneath himself. He doesn't know what they're doing but he loves Dean and he loves this and he wants to keep going until Dean inevitably pulls away from him and tells him he was wrong.

Dean allows himself to be manhandled down, allowing Cas' touch and his taste to be like a drug and block out everything else. He knows that if Cas regrets this again, it's going to break Dean even more than before, but he couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to. He loves Cas, and he will take what he can get.

Cas straddles Dean, not particularly aiming for sex but not opposed to it either, and kisses him like it's the only thing that matters. He can barely breathe but he doesn't care, he just wants more of Dean.

"Cas," Dean asks quietly between kisses, "where are you going with this?"

"Who said I have a plan?" Cas replies quietly.

"I just meant, where do you think this is going?"

Cas shrugs. "Wherever you want, I guess. Didn't think I'd even get this far."

"Really? What did you think would happen before you got here? Also please don't tell me you only started kissing me because you thought I wanted it."

"What? I know you don't want it. I- I kissed you because _I_ wanted to. I expected you to shove me off."

"Why would I shove you off? I do want to kiss you," Dean says, "when have I ever even suggested that I didn't want to kiss you?"

"Oh," Cas says eloquently, kissing him again. He tastes good.

"Hmmmm," Dean replies, deciding that although they definitely have to talk about this later, later is not now.

They're interrupted by yet another phone call. Cas groans and rolls off of Dean, grabbing his phone. It's Sam. "What?"

Dean frowns. Now that Cas is gone, he is going to have to think about all this. And he does not want to do that.

"That's awesome!" Cas says, jolting Dean out of his self-pity. "Why didn't you call Dean?"

"I did," Sam's voice says, muffled by the speaker. "He didn't answer."

"Oh. That was probably my fault," Cas replies.

"Huh?" Dean asks cleverly, hearing Cas' side of the conversation - and his name - but having no idea what's happening.

"Nothing," Cas says a little to quickly. "I'll- I'll tell him for you."

"Okay," Dean says hesitantly. He has no idea where this is going, and he's ever so slightly worried. He knows it can't be anything bad, Cas said it was 'awesome' and he doubts Sam would call Cas over something super personal.

Cas nods and says bye, then hangs up. "Sam got his acceptance letter. He'll be joining us here at Stanford next year!"

"That's great," Dean says with a large grin, "I always knew he would do it."

"Me too," Cas says happily, smiling at his friend.

Dean is about to lean in and continue kissing Cas, when the sound of the door opening startles them apart.

Cas scrambles to the foot of his bed, his face flaming. He can't make eye contact with his brother as he enters the room.

"Heya baby bro," Gabe calls, sauntering into the room, "oooh, what's got your face on fire? Have I interrupted something?"

"No. Shut up." Cas's voice is clipped and cold. "What do you want."

"Woah, alright. I was just coming to drag you to Sam's celebrating getting into Stanford party."

Cas takes a breath. "Alright. Fine. Sure."

"What time's the party?" Dean asks from where he is still laying on the bed.

"It starts..." Gabe glances at his watch. "About five minutes ago. Get going."

"Alright, give us some time to get ready," Dean sighs, "where is it and we'll meet you there."

"I'll be right outside to drag you there, how bout that?" Gabe counters. "You have ten minutes."

"Seriously!" Cas calls, but the door has already swung shut and Gabe can't hear him. "Come on then," he says, grabbing some clean clothes, "he will drag us out if we aren't done in ten minutes."

Dean sighs. "Yeah, I know. Sammy's told me plenty about the bitch."

"There we go then, time to get ready," Cas says with a frown, walking into the bathroom.

Dean nods, changing flannels and pulling on a jacket. "I'm good, Cas, you good?"

"Almost," Cas yells back from the other side of the door. When he walks out about ten seconds later, Dean has to remind himself that wolf whistling is not an appropriate reaction. Even if it seems like an accurate one.

Cas deliberately ignores the look on Dean's face as he makes his way out into the hall.

Dean sighs, following Cas out to the hall and towards the overenthusiastic bubbliness of Sam's soulmate. If it wasn't for Sam, Dean would probably try and duck out of this party, but it is, and he needs to be there to celebrate with his brother.

Gabriel drags them to his own apartment where the party is already in full swing. Cas turns around to say something to Dean only to discover that he's gone. "Great," he mutters. "Just fantastic."

"Hey, Cas!" calls a familiar, cheerful voice from behind him. He turns.

"Hello, Charlie," he greets her.

"How are you! I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I'm doing okay," Cas admits.

"Really?" Charlie questions, "you don't look particularly happy to be here."

"I just made out with my roommate," Cas confesses. "And we haven't spoken about it."

"Oh, that's..." Charlie starts before stopping, "wait, before I decide what that is, do you like him? Do you think he's hot?"

"You've met him," Cas points out. "I can't function around him. He's a smokeshow."

"I've met him, but that doesn't mean I know whether you are crushing, or whether you like-like him. Would you date him? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with him?"

Cas bites his bottom lip and glances at the floor. "He's my soulmate."

"Oh, that changes things," Charlie says, ever so slightly taken aback. But then she actually thinks things through, and she smiles, "actually never mind, I don't know why I didn't realize that earlier. But in that case why is it a bad thing?"

"Because he doesn't want me." Cas stares at Dean across the room sadly.

"Doesn't he?" Charlie questions, "because I've seen the two of you together. I thought it was him who was pining after you, not the other way round."

"You had it wrong," Cas tells her. He glances at Dean again. He's talking to a girl with dark hair.

"I don't know," Charlie replies, "my gaydar is never wrong, and he was definitely giving off crush vibes."

"Nothing is infallible," Cas murmurs. The girl is grinning up at Dean now, all teeth. He might puke.

"Maybe, but I'm 90% sure that's not the case here. Did he kiss you back? Are you his soulmate?"

"He did, and according to his wrist yes. But he doesn't... I can't let him want me."

"Why not? What would be so bad about him wanting you?" Charlie replies with a frown.

Cas looks down. "Because it would mean that I'm important to somebody. And the last time I was important to somebody they ended up dead. I can't- I can't watch Dean end up like that because of me."

"Dean's not going to die just because you're important to him," Charlie says gently, patting him on the arm in comfort, "I understand something bad has happened to you before, but that doesn't mean it will happen again."

Cas shakes his head. "I can't risk it. I love him too much." He glances at Dean again and freezes. Dark Hair has one hand at the back of Dean's neck. One of Dean's hands is at her waist. They're locked at the lips.

Charlie notices Cas freeze up, and turns her head to see what he is looking at. For some reason which she can't be sure of - and it can't be she was wrong about him liking Cas - Dean is kissing Lisa. Or Lisa is kissing Dean, it's hard to tell and Charlie is not planning to watch for long enough to find out.

Cas wants to leave the party, wants to sprint away, but before he can, Dean is coming over to him.

"Hey guys," Dean says, next to Charlie and Cas, "how are you two?"

"That's it," Cas says. "I can't." He walks past the man who used to be his friend and sighs. "I'll see you at Sam's graduation, Dean," he says sadly, not quite making eye contact. "Until then, stay out of my way."

"We share an apartment," Dean points out slowly, trying to figure out what's going on. Why is Cas acting all cold towards him, all sad and not making eye contact. Why would he stay out of Cas' way anyway? He thought that Cas loved him, he definitely loves Cas.

"An apartment that I doubt I will be frequenting," Cas replies coldly. "Five months, Dean, we have no classes together. We don't have to see each other. I'm sorry I thought we could be something."

"What-" Dean starts helplessly. He has no idea where he is is going with his sentence, just like he has no idea what's happening. Cas was saying he thought they would be something. Thought. Past tense. Cas doesn't think they can be something anymore? And he doesn't want to see Dean for the next five months?

"I'm sorry," Cas repeats, and then he's gone, out the door like he never existed.

"So what the fuck just happened with Lisa?" Charlie demands.

"Oh shit, you saw that?" Dean says quietly, running the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah," Charlie says primly.

"Shit," Dean repeats, "fuck, damn, shit."

"Basically."

"How much did you see?" Dean asks hesitantly, "and did Cas see?"

"Why do you think he walked away?"

"Shit, shit, shit," Dean mutters, "it wasn't what it looked like, I promise."

"Then _what was it_?"

"She kissed me okay? I pulled away as soon as I realized what was happening, but she was holding onto my hair, so I nearly fell over."

"So you're _not_ into Lisa Braeden?" Charlie clarifies.

"No," Dean says, wincing at the very thought, "I'm in love with someone else, not her."

Charlie's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh?"

"What?" Dean asks defensively.

"Who?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"Cause I'm your friend?"

"It's still none of your damn business," Dean replies, "friend or not, I'm not telling you."

Charlie puts up her hands in surrender. "Okay. Sorry."

"Thank you."

~~~

When Dean gets back to his dorm, Cas's things are gone with the exception of his decorations. Cas is nowhere to be found.

Dean can feel tears prickling in his eyes but he tries to ignore them. This is his fault. The best thing which had ever happened to him, and he's managed to drive him away. Just like he always does.

Dean doesn't see Cas for months. Eventually, Gabriel comes and talks to him.

"Hey Gabe," Dean says tiredly. He has dark bags under his eyes and he has the feeling he's probably lost weight, but he doesn't care. His soulmate doesn't want him, what reason is left to look after himself?

Gabriel sits down on the bed that used to belong to Cas. "Are you even still alive in here?"

"Apparently," Dean replies, not moving from where he is laying on the bed, "definitely on the outside. The inside is slightly more questionable."

Gabriel sighs. "This place smells like vomit and BO. You gotta talk to Cas."

"I would talk to him, if he would ever let me within two hundred meters of him."

"You have his number," Gabe points out. "And it's not that he won't let you near him, it's just that you can't find him."

"Yeah, and also every time he sees it's me calling him, he hangs up on me. Or worse, just doesn't answer at all."

"Use Sam's phone?"

"No, of he doesn't want to talk to me, I'm going to respect his choice, not try to trick him."

Gabriel scoffs. "He wants to talk to you!" he declares. "He just doesn't want to be the one to start it because this is _your_ fault."

"If he wanted to talk to me, I would be able to hear more of his voice than just his answering machine."

"Fine!" Gabriel shouts. "If you're going to be stubborn like that, I won't help you."

"Hey don't shout," Dean says, wincing as his head loudly protests to the yell.

"No, you're a lost cause, so I give up. Bye."

"Bye," Dean says, tears already welling up in his eyes again. He doesn't know why he's surprised that Gabe is leaving, Dean is poison. Everyone always leaves him because he's too horrible for anyone to stick around.

Gabe groans. "Goddammit, you're so pathetic I can't even be mad at you."

"Well at least I'm good at something."

Gabe laughs bitterly. "How do I convince you to come to my house?"

"I don't know," Dean mutters, "Probably with food if I'm being honest."

"I already have pie," Gabe said. "And I'm making burgers for dinner."

"Fresh burgers?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations, I'm convinced. I'll come."

Gabe grins. "Great, cause Sam's comin' over for dinner too and he misses you as much as Cas does."

"Cas doesn't miss me," Dean mutters, pushing himself up until he's sitting, sitting on the side of the bed for a moment trying to stop his head from spinning.

"Cas misses the shit out of you," Gabriel replies. "I don't take constructive criticism. Come on, let's go."

"Alright, alright I'm coming," Dean says, standing up and starting to walk in the direction of the door, ignoring how his joints protested and his vision blurred. He knows he hadn't been looking after himself, but this is just crazy.

Gabriel sighs and takes his arm, wrapping it around his own shoulders to help him to Gabe's car.

"Thanks," Dean mutters, slightly embarrassed but mainly just relieved that he doesn't have to drive.

"It's chill," Gabe replies. "Don't worry about it."

Dean nods, letting out a relieved sigh as soon as they manage to get Dean seated in Gabe's car, "do you have any water in here?" he asks.

Gabriel hands him a water bottle. "It's car temperature, I hope that'll do."

"Anything would do," Dean whispers, quickly taking the lid off - which luckily wasn't on too tightly - and drinking it. The lukewarm water felt amazing in his parched throat, and he hadn't realized how thirsty he was, until he drank something.

"I think you're living in my house for the next several days, or at least until you can get your act together."

Dean opens his mouth to argue, but quickly snaps it shut. What would his argument even be? 'No, I'm fine, I'm just probably dehydrated, barely been sleeping and not been eating enough, no need to worry, I can go home and be on my own again.' Yeah, maybe not. Probably wouldn't go down very well with Gabe.

"Sam and I are gonna make you take care of yourself," Gabe continues.

"I don't doubt that for a second," Dean mutters.

Gabe grins too cheerfully. "Good."

Dean leans against the window, watching as the street goes past and wondering at which point things got so bad that Gabe has to intervene. It's been weeks, maybe even months. He doesn't know, time wasn't really a thing he was paying attention to. He went to his classes and that was pretty much it.

"It's February," Gabriel says out of nowhere.

"Is it really?" Dean asks mildly. "Last time I paid attention to the date was when Cas texted me 'happy birthday'."

"Cas moved out of your dorm room almost four months ago."

"Huh, that's a length of time," Dean mutters, not even sure if it's longer than he expected or shorter. After all, every second without Cas feels like eternity, but at the same time everything's just been blurring together and becoming one long eternity of pain.

"Yep," Gabe replies. "He's living with me."

"What?" Dean asks, freezing up ever so slightly. If Cas is living with Gabe, and Dean is going to Gabe's place, then they would imply they are going to run into each other.

"He didn't have anywhere else to go. He couldn't exactly go home, and he thought you hated him."

"I never hated him, he just left and never talked to me again."

"He thought you hated him," Gabe repeats. "I gotta say it again?"

"Probably," Dean replies with a shrug, "but why would I hate him? Why did he think I did?"

"Because you made out with a random girl at a random party immediately following a much steamier makeout session with him. And he's autistic. And he has no idea how to read social cues."

"I didn't make out with any girl, I promise," Dean says tiredly, "I guess I understand, but I can promise you I love Cas and no one else. All I want is him back."

Gabe scoffs. "Okay, man. Whatever you say."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't believe that you won't hurt him again," Gabriel tells him.

"What do you think I'll do?" Dean asks, no hint of accusation in his voice, just pure tiredness and curiosity.

"I think you'll say some dumb shit and he won't be able to tell you're joking and he'll never be able to open himself to love ever again. Because you're his soulmate, and he's desperately in love with you."

Dean sighs, "You'd think it would be easy, wouldn't you. We are soulmates, everything should be perfect and everything should work," he takes a deep breath, "but it's not like that. I can't express myself, I just can't, and Cas can't either, so we just get suck, like we are now. I love him with everything I have, but if my shit would hurt him, I'd rather he just found someone else and forgot all about me."

"There will _never be anyone else for him_!" Gabriel shouts, throwing up his hands. He takes a calming breath. "We're here." He pulls into the driveway and shuts off the car. "For the record, Dean, I do love you."

"I can't tell if you are saying that because you think I'm questioning it, or because whatever lies in your house is going to make me question it."

"I'm saying it because you need someone to love you right now," Gabe tells him. "Get out of my car."

"Thanks?" Dean says, hesitantly climbing out of the car and staring up at Gabe's house. He knows that Cas is either away, or in there, and suddenly he feels terrified. Suddenly all he wants to do is turn tail and escape.

Gabriel wraps his hand around Dean's elbow and drags him inside. Sam's already there. Cas is nowhere to be seen. "Hey, kid," Gabriel greets happily, kissing Sam's forehead. "Take care of the big guy while I make food."

"I'm not a baby," Dean points out, slightly annoyed about being dragged into the house, even when he really didn't want to go in. He is glad that Cas isn't around, even if the thought still seems to send a twist of hurt through his gut.

"You actually, legitimately are," Sam tells him, standing up from the couch to get his brother a glass of water. "You're great, and I love you, but you're just a big baby. Siddown, I got this, okay?"

"I'm not a baby!" Dean repeats, sitting down with a frown on his face, "I'm older than you! And I'm not even close to some helpless thing which can't even hold its own head's weight."

Sam pulls his bitchface. "No, you're not a real baby, but you act like one. And you have the emotional health of one. Now chill."

Dean thinks about arguing some more, before deciding against it. Sam may possibly have a point, however much he hates it. He's never been good with emotions - well, that's a lie, but living with John Winchester you quickly learn not to have them, it just stuck a bit more firmly with Dean than Sam. Dean leans back against the couch with a sigh, letting his brother know he is still annoyed with him, even if he's doing as he was told.

Sam ruffles his hair and disappears into the kitchen to get him some water.

"Hey, don't do that," Dean mutters, trying to fix his hair back into place.

Sam scoffs. "Whatever."

Dean rolls his eyes, before turning in the direction of the kitchen, "Gabe!" he calls, "how long till foods ready?"

"Twenty minutes!" Gabe shouts back. "After dinner we're going to karaoke."

"Really," Dean groans in response, and that just shows how out of it he is. He loves karaoke, would normally never turn it down, but right now he just wants to curl up and die and he definitely does not want to go out.

"Yep. You'll love it."

"I'm sure that you are the person in this house best qualified to say that."

"Shut up," Sam and Gabriel both said at once.

"Wow, they really are soulmates," Dean mutters.

"I heard that," Sam shoots back.

"I never said you didn't," Dean replies, "and anyway, I have a point."

"Since when are you qualified to make points?"

"I have always been qualified to make points, as long as they are valid points. And that one is definitely valid."

"Yeah, we're soulmates. And your point?"

"I can tell because you are equally annoying in almost all exact same way."

Sam hands him his water. "And you're a douche."

"Why thank you, I always knew it but it's always nice to be validated from time to time," Dean hums, sipping his water slowly.

Sam sits down next to him. "Hey, dude, do you need to talk?"

"I want to say no, but I'm getting the odd feeling you aren't going to accept that as an answer."

Sam sighs. "I'm not as pushy as you make me out to be."

"You are when it comes to feelings," Dean points out, "I'm fairly sure you've forced me into talking about my feelings more times than I've talked about my feelings by choice."

Sam scoffs. "Don't be such a jerk about it, I'm just tryna help."

"And I'm just telling the truth, bitch."

Sam sighs. "I hate how much I love you, Dean."

"Thank you," Dean says, "if it helps, I hate it too."

Sam smacks him just on the hard side of friendly and stands up. "Well since you refuse to help me help you I'm gonna go hang out with my boyfriend."

"You do that," Dean laughs, "but please keep it PG, I have nowhere to escape to."

As Sam walks into the kitchen, Gabriel's hanging up the phone. "So he's coming?" Sam asks quietly.

"Yeah I think so. I didn't tell him what's going on, but I think I convinced him to turn up."

Sam nods. "Good. I know Dean's gonna hate me for this but at least they'll figure stuff out."

"Yeah, and to be honest he'll get over it as long as everything works out."

Sam smiles and kisses the top of Gabriel's head. He loves being taller than his twenty-one-year-old boyfriend. "He will. For sure. But I'll still lay low a while. I wonder where I'll go when I move out."

"You could always come here?" Gabe says hesitantly, wringing his hands together in nerves.

Sam smirks at him. "That is what I was getting at." He kisses Gabriel's lips this time. "I want to."

"Well that's perfect," Gabe smiles, kissing Sam back, "I can't wait."

Sam puts his hand on Gabriel's lower back and pulls him closer for a moment before moving away. "You need to finish making the food."

"Tease," Gabe mutters, turning back to the stove.

"In good time, babe," Sam laughs. "We can have all the celebratory sex we want once we deal with our loser brothers."

"Yeah, I can agree that having a moping brother in the house would reduce the enjoyment of any celebratory sex. You win this one, I suppose."

Sam kisses his forehead. "Okay. Good. Now finish making food so we can put our plan in action."

"It's only got another couple of minutes, can you grab some plates out?"

Sam kisses his hair yet again - so he's handsy today, who cares - and grabs the plates. "I'll go set the table," he offers.

"Thanks," Gabe calls, smiling softly at his boyfriend's retreating back.

Sam sets up plates and cups for everyone, plus napkins, and goes to check on Dean.

"Hey Sammy," Dean says, watching Sam walk in, in the corner of his eye, "Food ready yet?"

Sam nods. "Come sit at the table, Gabe's serving it up as we speak."

"Perfect," Dean says with a smile, "I'm starving," he announces happily, standing up and then wincing as he looks down at himself and realizes how accurate his previous statement had been.

Sam purses his lips. "We made you extra. Go."

"Thanks," Dean says, slightly sheepishly as he slowly walks to the table.

Sam slams down three burgers in front of him. "Eat. Fucking eat."

Dean nods, picking up the first burger and looking at it uneasily. He hadn't realized how long it'd been since he ate anything proper, until he had real, solid food in front of him. His stomach was already revolting, but he knew that he had to at least try.

Sam is about to sit down in his normal spot, but he sees the look on Dean's face and moves his plate over to sit next to his brother. "Dean," he says quietly. "It's not easy to recover from a period of disordered eating. You just gotta let us help you. Eat as much as you can, and then eat three more bites. Can you do that for me?"

"I'm not a teenage girl," Dean complains, but he instinctively knows it's pointless. He also knows - as much as he hates to admit it - that Sam has a point. He's had barely any appetite ever since Cas left and he may not want to believe it's any kind of disorder, it is definitely not healthy.

"Dean, you haven't been eating. Teenage assigned females are the biggest demographic for people who experience disordered eating but they're not the only ones." He sighs. "Look, man, right after you left... when I was fourteen. I did the same thing. I got so depressed I couldn't eat anything at all. Every time I tried, I threw up. I beat it, and you can beat it too. Come on, eat your burger."

Dean picks his burger back up, staring at it for a moment before dutifully starting to nibble on it. He's hungry, he knows that, yet somehow even just the small nibble he's taken feels like it's sitting heavy in his stomach and weighing him down.

Sam purses his lips and takes a bite of his Impossible burger to make Dean feel better. "C'mon."

Dean nods, taking another nibble, this one a tiny bit bigger than the previous one.

Sam nods encouragingly, making eye contact with Gabriel across the table.

Gabe smiles reassuringly at his soulmate, mouthing "it's ok," across the table.

Sam sighs and takes a huge bite of his own burger to distract himself.

Dean manages half a burger before he feels like he can eat no more. He knows he's letting everyone down, but he already feels sick from eating so much.

Sam puts a hand on Dean's knee. "Remember what I said? Eat three more bites."

Dean looks nervously between his brother and the half-eaten burger, before slowly picking it back up. The first bite is hard, the second makes him feel like he's going to burst, the third makes him feel like he's half a second away from throwing up his guts, but he keeps it down.

Sam smiles at him like his face is about to burst and actually kisses his cheek. "I'm proud of you," he says. "You did good."

"Thanks," Dean says with a blush.

Sam grins, pats his shoulder, and stands up. "Karaoke?"

"Do we have to? I don't feel that great."

"You love karaoke," Sam points out. "I know you're depressed and depressed people have trouble doing things they used to enjoy but like. Come on. We can't leave you here on your own, you'll hurt yourself, and Gabriel and I are going. Please?"

"If I have to," Dean grumbles, even though he knows that Sam has a point and anyway, it will probably do him good to get outside for a bit.

Sam smiles. "Great. Grab your jacket and get in the car."

"Alright," Dean says, grabbing his jacket and slowly walking to the car, climbing into the backseat.

Sam catches the keys Gabriel tosses him and follows, sliding into the driver's side and winking at Dean in the rearview before idling the engine and waiting for his soulmate. "Pick up the pace!" he shouts.

Gabe rolls his eyes, climbing into the passenger side with a sigh. "I'm here, I'm here."

Sam kisses his temple and hits the gas.

Dean stares out the window, watching the streets fly by as his brother drives towards the bar. He gets himself ready for an afternoon of fake smiling because he knows that's what's going to happen now. He's going to smile for Sam's benefit, but inside he is definitely not going to be smiling.

When they pull into the parking lot, Sam turns around in his chair and meets Dean's eyes. "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Dean lies with a fake smile.

Sam grins back. "Great. Let's go in."

Dean nods, slowly walking into the bar and looking for a free table somewhere in a corner. As soon as he spots one, he walks over, collapsing into a seat.

Sam lands next to him with Gabriel on his other side, and Sam's arm goes around Gabriel's shoulders like it was designed to be there. Dean feels even sicker than he did a minute ago. Gabriel chuckles and points up at the stage. Dean looks up. It’s Cas.

Cas is punching something into the karaoke machine and he’s gonna sing.

“Cas can sing?” he demands of his friends. “Cas can _sing_?”

Sam laughs and shrugs. “I don’t know, man, he’s _your_ best friend.”

_Hey, I was doin’ just fine before I met you  
I drink too much and that’s an issue, but I’m okay  
Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them  
But I hope I never see them again_

His voice is somehow seriously gorgeous. He is looking directly at Dean. Dean’s going to explode.

_I know it breaks your heart  
Moved to the city in a broke-down car and  
Four years, no calls  
Now you’re lookin’ pretty in a hotel bar and  
I-I-I-I-I can’t stop  
No, I-I-I-I-I can’t stop_

_So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover  
That I know you can’t afford, bite that tattoo on your shoulder  
Pull the sheets right off the corner of that mattress that you stole  
From your roommate back in Boulder, we ain’t ever gettin’ older_

Dean glances at Sam. _Go_ Sam mouths, so he does. He runs up on the stage during the instrumentals. “I uh. I can’t sing it in Halsey’s octave,” he admits, chuckling.

Cas smiles at him. “I don’t mind.” Dean grins and sings the next verse.

_You look as good as the day I met you  
I forget just why I left you, I was insane   
Stay, play that Blink-182 song   
That we beat to death in Tucson, okay?_

They sing the chorus together, staring at each other like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. When they finish, the entire bar is silent, and then it bursts into applause. Cas grins at Dean amid the shower of noise, biting his lip. “Why- why this?” Dean asks. “This feels like a bad romcom.” Cas shrugs.

“I’m autistic,” he reminds his friend. “I don’t know how to communicate effectively with you.”

“This was good,” Dean murmurs. Cas is still grinning. He takes a step forward. “Dean, I’m going to kiss you again, and this time, I’m not going to run.”

"Ok not going to run either," Dean replies, taking a step forward as well so there is only an inch or two between them.

Cas lifts one hand to Dean's chin and rubs his thumb over the stubble there. "Don't shave," he tells Dean, and then he pulls Dean down and brings their lips together hard. The applause gets louder.

Dean sighs happily into the kiss, everything feeling like it's slipping back into place now that he has his soulmate back.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean's neck and they stay there until someone comes up onto the stage and clears their throat. Cas pulls away, looking at them with his face flushed, and nods. They join their brothers.

"You guys are idiots," Sam says.

"So you've told us," Dean replies. "In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, and I have a big dick. Let's move on."

Cas shakes his head, laughing. "It's not that big."

Sam goggles at him. "You've _seen_ it?"

Dean stares at his brother, "why do you look so shocked? Also Cas, that is a lie. It is that big."

"You guys had sex and still didn't get together?" Sam demands, eyebrows raised.

"My fault," Cas admits. "And no, it's not, and mine is bigger, but that's not important right now." His arm is still around Dean's waist as he turns to look at Dean. "What's important is the fact that I can see your ribcage through your shirt and you look like Sam's been _forcing_ you to take care of yourself. What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Dean says instantly on reflex. It gets him multiple annoyed glances, but he doesn't change his answer. There is no point making Cas feel bad about stuff he can't change. That's the past, but Cas is back now so it doesn't matter.

Cas's face falls. "This is my fault," he whispers.

"What? No!" Dean says quickly. And it isn't, if he'd rebalanced and pulled away from Lisa quicker, then none of this was have happened.

"If I hadn't left you in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"You left for a reason," Dean points out quietly, "and that was my fault."

"I was being unreasonable," Cas whispers.

"You did what you thought was needed. In this case it was getting as far away from me as you could."

"I was just scared," Cas admits, pulling Dean close.

"Exactly, you can't be blamed for being scared." _If anyone should be blamed, it's me_ , his mind helpfully supplies.

Cas swallows hard. "I blame myself. And you can't make me stop."

"Oh my _god_!" Gabriel shouts. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"Probably quite a lot," Dean says with a shrug.

"I swear to god we will leave you here," Sam threatens.

"What? It's true!" Dean says.

"You are being self-sacrificing idiotic bitches. You need help."

"That's one way of putting it," Cas muses quietly, "but to be honest we'll probably be fine once we've talked this out a bit."

"Then we're going home and you're gonna talk and we're gonna... probably bone," Sam decides.

"Do we have to do this in the same house?" Dean asks quickly, "because I would rather not be in the same street as you while you are doing that."

"I didn't say we were going to the same house," Sam informs him.

"Good, so are we going to our apartment?" Dean asks slowly, thinking about the mess he'd left behind when he went to Gabe's.

"Yeah," Gabe tells him. "You guys work your shit out."

"What is it?" Cas asks, noticing the hesitance on Dean's face, "is there a reason we shouldn't go back to our apartment?"

Dean glances around. "Uh. It's kind of. A disaster."

"A disaster? In what way?" Cas inquires.

"In the way that it stinks and looks like a bomb site," Gabe offers helpfully.

"Dean, as you've already discovered, hasn't been taking care of himself," Sam pipes up.

Dean glared at the floor, not saying anything. He didn't have anything to use to defend himself, but that doesn't mean he wanted all his problems laid out on the table.

Cas looks up at him, no anger in his eyes, only concern. "Dean?" he whispers.

"Yeah," Dean mutters, not looking up or turning to look at Cas. Instead he just kept staring that the floor.

Cas's hand goes to cup Dean's cheek, like he did on stage. "Dean, why won't you let me help you?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asks quietly, his eyes flicking up to focus on Cas before going back to floor.

"You push me away. Incessantly. It's quite annoying."

"Sorry," Dean whispers, "I don't mean to, I just - it's just how I deal with things I guess," he says, being as honest as he can with Cas. Dean trusts Cas, so he deserves to know what's up with Dean.

"Well, we're gonna work on that," Cas decides. "But for now, time to go home."

"Alright," Dean says, standing up, "just warning you that Gabe really wasn't kidding when he said it isn't pleasant."

"That's okay, we'll clean it together," Cas offers.

"Thank you," Dean whispers, "I don't how on earth I ended up with a soulmate as amazing as you, but I'm glad I did."

Cas kisses him softly for a moment, then pulls back, still holding Dean's hands. "Let's go."

"Yeah," Dean says, "Oh, can I drive with you? Sam and Gabe brought me so I don't have a car."

"Obviously," Cas says like it's a stupid question.

"Thanks," Dean says again. He feels a bit like a broken record, but that didn't matter. He has a lot to be thankful for.

"You're welcome, Dean," Cas says softly. "Forever."

Dean nods, following Cas to his car with a soft smile.

Sam smiles at their backs. "I think we earned that celebratory sex," he mutters.

"Oh yeah, definitely," Gabe agrees.

Sam takes his wrist and drags him to their own car. Dean is being far too quiet for Cas's liking as Cas drives them back to their dorm. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course," Dean says quietly, staring out the window.

"Are you sure?" Cas prompts, pulling into his parking space.

"Yeah," Dean repeats blankly, climbing out of the car slowly and just standing next to it, not moving any closer to the house.

Cas walks around the front and takes his hand, gently leading him up the stairs to their apartment. "Oh," he says eloquently when he opens the door. "You really weren't kidding. Have you eaten at all?"

Dean blinks a couple of times, "I don't know," he says slowly, "I might have eaten the takeout which was in the fridge? I can't remember."

Cas stares at him. "Dean. My god."

"What?" Dean asks self-consciously, fiddling with his t-shirt. He knows that he hadn't exactly been looking after himself amazingly, but the way Cas is staring at him makes him feel like Cas can see his very soul.

Cas pulls him over to sit down on the bed. His eyes are brimming over. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. You don't have anything to apologize for."

"It is my fault," Cas insists. "I couldn't handle it, and I ran off, and I did... I did this to you."

"You didn't do this, I did this."

"How is this your fault?"

"Because I'm the one who did all this. I'm the one who started this whole mess and I'm the one who didn't look after myself."

Cas scoffs. "You didn't take care of yourself because you were depressed because I neglected you."

"I'm not a lost dog," Dean snaps, "I didn't get 'neglected'."

Cas fights to keep his temper under control. "It's still my fault."

"No, you had your reasons for going, so you left. You shouldn't make your decisions based on how it would effect me."

"It's called empathy, Dean," Cas tells him. "And I- I love you. I'm horrible, but I love you."

"Why does that make you horrible? Also there's a difference between empathy, and changing your life just so you don't hurt someone's stupid feelings."

"I won't have this argument," Cas decides. He leans forward and kisses Dean instead.

Dean makes a sound of indignation, feeling like he still needs to make sure Cas realizes that he's really not worth changing his life for, but the kiss swallows everything up, leaving only the love he feels for Cas, and the joy he has at them being there together.

"Was that better?" Cas asks smugly when he pulls away.

"Yeah," Dean breathes against Cas' lips, trying to get his brain back online.

Cas leans in to kiss him again, pulling him close and keeping him _now._ Cleaning can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> There's another one coming your way hopefully today or tomorrow, too!! So be on the lookout for that <3 I love you guys, you're all so fantastic, thanks for reading my rambly bullshit. Kudos, comments, and bookmarks make my LIFE so don't forget to let us know how you felt about this <3 <3
> 
> Love,  
> \- Dean and Summer


End file.
